Painful and Private
by MxKoli
Summary: Olivia has everything she’s ever wanted, until tragedy strikes. AU, set before Olivia enters the Academy, after she finishes college.
1. Everything Changes

**Okay, I have updates to write, but this was nagging at me. That along with the fact that I've been working more often than not. This will wind up being a two shot (I hope, I can't juggle 3 stories at once). This is set before Olivia even enters the Academy. **

Olivia Benson's head rested on the chest of her fiancé, listening to his beating heart. The small stone of her engagement ring glinting in the moonlight. She'd never been happier than she was at this exact moment. Her soon to be husband's baby was growing in her womb and for the first time in her twenty three years of life she felt like someone loved her. She felt his hand run over her shoulder. "I love you, Billy."

Billy Hansen was a strapping young man with a blond crew cut, hazel eyes, and a muscular build. When he drank his cheeks turned bright red and it appeared that he loved the woman in his arms more than anything in the world. They were starting a family and he just knew life was going to be perfect. "Love you, too, Jelly Bean." He kissed the top of her head.

She felt anxiety rise in her chest, but she told herself to push it away. She hated when he called her anything related to food, but it was better than him calling her something referencing an animal she supposed. She kissed his chest and closed her eyes. If she wasn't so in love with him, she'd be gone already. Or maybe it was because he loved her, and she didn't want to let that go, for fear that she'd be alone the rest of her life. "Mm," she felt him wrap the blankets around them both. She'd learned to live with and adapt to the things he did that rubbed her the wrong way and convinced herself that if he didn't love her, no one ever would.

He fell asleep, holding her tight. Throughout the night he'd turned on his side, facing away from her, pulling the blankets off of her. She got out of bed in the middle of the night to get another blanket and go to the bathroom. Once she got to the bathroom she let out a blood curdling scream, she was bleeding. Billy got up and ran to the bathroom, seeing his fiancée sobbing hysterically, blood dripping down her legs. "What happened?"

Olivia looked at him. "The baby," she cried and fell into his arms.

Billy rubbed her back. "You look like you're losing a lot of blood, we should get you to a hospital."

She couldn't do anything but cry and nod. He helped her dress, putting a pad in her clean underwear, he brought her to the hospital. Just as they walked into the ER she collapsed on the floor, weak from blood loss. They rushed her back to a room. "What's her blood type?"

He looked at his fiancée on the stretcher. "I— I don't know. She's pregnant. Please, do something."

The doctor looked from Billy to the nurses. "Get some O neg! Stat, we need to start transfusing." The nurses scurried about, closing the curtain, shutting Billy out. Billy walked to the waiting room and sat, waiting for someone to come get him. After about an hour a doctor came out and looked around. "Billy Hansen?"

Billy stood up. "Is she alright?"

The doctor moved closer. "She's pretty shaken up, she won't stop crying. We want to sedate her, but she wouldn't let us until you were back there."

Billy nodded and followed the doctor, walking back to the bay Olivia was in. She looked so pale in the bed, tears still uncontrollably streaming down her face. "Oh, Jelly Bean."

Olivia wiped her eyes. "I lost the baby," she cried and took a deep breath. "They don't— they don't know if I'll ever be able to carry a baby to term."

Billy sat on the side of the bed. "Why not? Did something happen."

She shook her head, crying again. "No. Billy, I— I have endometriosis. I was diagnosed right before we met in college. I didn't say anything because we weren't trying to get pregnant and then we got engaged and I was going to tell you, but then I got pregnant, I didn't think I'd ever be able to," she let out a sob.

He stood up. "Wait, so you knew this could happen?"

Olivia wiped her eyes. "Oh, come on. Miscarriages happen to women all of the time whether they have endometriosis or not."

Billy looked at her. "How could you keep this from me? We were supposed to have a perfect life together."

She felt her heart break. "We still can! There are other ways to start a family. Surrogacy, adoption."

He shook his head. "No. We don't have the money for a surrogate and I'm not raising a child that isn't mine."

Olivia looked at him. "Who are you? How can you be so selfish? There are thousands of children in the United States alone who need safe, loving homes and you won't give one of them a home because you're too selfish to raise a child that you didn't help create? Stop being obtuse." She felt him slap her across the face and she let out a shocked yelp, holding her cheek, tears running down her face. "Get out." She yelled. "Leave!"

Billy looked at her, a fury in his eyes she'd never seen. "I'm not the one who lied about being able to have children."

She took the ring off her finger and threw it at him. "I thought you loved me," she shook her head. "I didn't realize that all I was to you was an incubator." She took a deep breath. "The fact that you couldn't even get me a decent ring that wouldn't turn my finger green and had an actual diamond should have been my first clue. Get out, Billy. I'm done. We're done. I'll be by with a couple friends to pick up my things in the next few days."

He picked up the ring and looked at her. "You'll never find someone like me. You'll be alone the rest of your life. Little whore."

Olivia looked at him. "By the way, Jelly Bean is a stupid pet name for an Olivia, much better suited for a Jillian, wouldn't you think?"

Billy looked at her. "What are you implying?"

She rolled her eyes. "Give me a little bit of credit. You really think I didn't know about her?" She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I just had a miscarriage, I don't have the energy to fight with you. You slapped me, you can leave now or I can have hospital security escort you out."

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3 Weeks Later

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Olivia sat at the bar in a short ripped jean skirt and a black bustier, her abs exposed. She was nursing a cosmopolitan and getting lost in the music. She saw a man sit next to her and she smiled at him. She let her eyes travel down his physique. "Hello."

The man looked at her and smiled, his green eyes shining. "Hello, beautiful. What brings you here on a Wednesday night?"

She smiled, noting his dark hair and the little bit of scruff on his face. "Drowning my sorrows, hopefully getting back on the horse. You?"

He smiled. "Celebrating. The successful finish of college, graduation is next week law school starts in the fall."

Olivia raised her glass. "Congratulations. I just finished myself not too long ago. I take the civil service exam in a few months, then I'm off to the Academy."

The man smiled. "Now, I'm pretty familiar with the Miranda warnings, but if you were to arrest me and I talked about how sexy your body was, would you hold it against me?"

She blushed and chuckled. "Smooth." She turned to face him after downing the rest of her drink. "But speaking of sexy," she whispered, looking at his lips. "I'm going to kiss you now, so I really hope you're single."

He stood her up and stood up, looking down at her. "Very much so," he whispered and their lips met in a brief kiss before he pulled away. "Trevor Langan, nice to meet you."

Olivia smiled and bit her bottom lip. "Likewise", she whispered.

Trevor caressed her face. "What should I call you?"

She opened her mouth to respond and then closed it again. "Uh, you know... it doesn't matter," she shook her head. "Take me home, and I'll give you the best night of your life, no strings attached."

He looked at her. "How about I take you home and you tell me what sorrows your drowning, and your name."

Olivia looked at him. "We're never going to see each other again, why does it matter?"

Trevor ran his thumb over her lips. "If we're never going to see each other again, what better person to tell your troubles to?"

She took a deep breath. "Fine. After I rock your world I will tell you my sob story," she ran her fingers over his chest.

He kissed her lips and put some money on the bar to cover their drinks. He took her hand. "How about I just call you beautiful until you tell me your name?" He asked, walking out into the streets of New York with her.

Olivia smiled. "Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Langan." She looked up at him, standing on her tiptoes and kissing him gently.

Trevor kissed her back. "Let's get back to my apartment," he whispered. "It's not much, but it's cozy."

She smirked. "Do you either have thick walls or very understanding neighbors?" She asked coyly. "I've been known to be a screamer during sex," she whispered and ran her hands down his back.

He smiled and raised his arm, hailing a cab. "My neighbors can go to hell if they don't like the fact that I have the most beautiful woman in the city in my bed and I'm going to make damn sure she is as pleasured as she can be." He opened the cab door for her, letting her slide in and climbed in after her, giving the cabbie his address, kissing her temple and holding her hand in his. "Fifteen minutes, including the elevator ride up to my apartment, and we'll be able to get naked and have some fun."

Olivia smiled. "Best thing about being fresh out of college is we can stay up all night having fun and not have to worry about being up the next day for work."

Trevor kissed her lips and held her close, feeling the cab stop, seeing his building, he paid the cabbie and got out, running inside with her. "I can't wait to see you, you're so beautiful."

She blushed and kissed him as the elevator brought them up to his floor. She followed him and stood behind him as he opened the door. She walked in and looked around. "Wow," she turned and looked at him and took her top off, her bare breasts coming into view. "Are you ready for me?"

He pulled her hips closer. "You just keep getting more and more beautiful."

Olivia unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them off. "Oh," she gasped, seeing the outline of his erection in his boxer briefs. She moaned. "You're so big, baby." She pulled his shirt over his head, feeling him unbutton her skirt and push it down, leaving her in a thong. She walked him back to the couch and pushed him down, straddling him, grinding her hips into his. "Fuck," she let her head fall back.

Trevor held her hips, groaning. "My God, you're so sexy, we should move to the bedroom so we can get a condom."

She shook her head. "I can't get pregnant, I can't—" she stopped and felt her lip quiver. "I—"

He caressed her face. "Talk to me," he whispered. "How can I help."

Olivia swallowed hard. "My name is Olivia Margaret Benson. I had a miscarriage three weeks ago. My fiancé, he found out why I lost the baby, he slapped me and called me a whore after he was the one cheating on me. I threw him out of my hospital room. I've been living with a sorority sister, because the only family I have is an alcoholic mother who never loved me because I'm a reminder of the worst night of her life, the night she was raped. From the moment I started being interested in boys I've been good for nothing but sex, at least as far as my mom was concerned. I was a pussy to fuck. Billy made that clear," she looked at his chest, tears welling up in her eyes. "I um… I can go—"

Trevor pulled her into a tight hug. "Stay," He whispered and kissed her temple. "Olivia Margaret Benson, I don't know why your mother decided to fill your head with the lie that you're only good for sex. You're so smart, I can tell from looking at you that heart is made of gold, you have a beautiful smile. And goddamnit I will tell you this as often as you'll let me, but you matter. I don't want this to be just tonight, I want more."

She wiped her eyes. "Well, I should tell you before this goes any further, I have endometriosis, it's what caused the miscarriage, it's why my ex slapped me. There's not much chance that I'll ever carry a pregnancy to term. I was an incubator to him. So, if you want to take things a day at a time and see where we end up, I'm happy to. But I don't… I don't need anymore than tonight, and I'll understand if you don't want to have sex with me after I just dumped all my emotional baggage on you."

He held her face in his hands, kissing her passionately. "I don't mind the emotional baggage, we've all got it. I do still want to have sex with you. But we're going to do this right. I'm going to bring you to bed, bring you to the heights of ecstasy over and over again, all night long. I'm not stopping until you tell me," he kissed her softly.

Olivia smiled. "You mean that?"

Trevor nodded. "While I realize having sex with you is probably not the best way to prove to you that you're worth so much more than what's between your legs—"

She stopped him. "It's perfect, Trevor. I've never had a man concerned with making sure I hit climax, and to have the sexiest man I've ever laid eyes on tell me he's going to make sure I get there over and over… it's more than I've ever had. To be honest with you, I don't think that I've ever really had an orgasm."

He tucked her hair behind her ear. "I'll do whatever I can to help you have an orgasm and make it as mind blowing as possible." He smiled. "And tomorrow I'll make breakfast and we can talk about whatever you want. I just know that as much as I want you tonight, I want you in my life for a lot longer than just tonight."

Olivia stood up and took her thong off. "Take me to bed," she whispered. "We can both come together." She grinned as he stood up and picked her up. She giggled and wrapped her legs around his waist as he walked her into his bedroom, setting her on the bed. She crossed her legs and watched him drop his boxers and she moaned. "Oh, Trevor." She felt him lay her down and climb on top of her. "Fuck me," she whispered.

Trevor caressed her face and shook his head. "I'm going to make love to you," he whispered. "I'm going to worship and cherish your body, it's what you deserve. You're sure you don't want a condom?"

She felt tears in her eyes and she shook her head. "No condom, I'll take the risk. I just… I need to feel everything."

He nodded. "No risk. I'm clean," he kissed her lips and gently rubbed her clit, his fingers pushing inside her. They both moaned. "You're so wet," he whispered.

Olivia moaned. "I've never wanted anyone the way I want you. I've never wanted someone this much. I need to feel you."

Trevor slowed down and kissed her neck. "Ready?" He heard her moan and saw her nod. He slowly pushed inside of her, both of them letting out a moan, his forehead on hers.

She let out a breath. "Oh, you feel amazing." She felt him slowly start to move and she moaned softly. Her back arched into him. For the first time in her life, her movements during sex weren't calculated, she didn't feel as though she had to preform her sexuality to get a man off. She laid back and felt every bit of pleasure coursing through her veins. "Oh, my God!"

He kept thrusting inside of her. "You're so beautiful, Olivia. So beautiful." He groaned. "Oh, baby, I'm so close. Come with me."

Olivia let out a whiney moan and scratched at his back. "Oh, Trevor!" She let out a breath and felt her orgasm take over her body. She felt his release inside her and she fell back against the bed, panting, holding him tight as he fell on top of her. "Holy shit," she looked into his eyes. "That was amazing. You are amazing. I've never felt like this before. My body is tingling and it's so amazing. Is this what it feels like to orgasm?"

Trevor smiled and kissed her lips. "I don't know what a woman's orgasm feels like, but from the way I've heard it described in the past, I'd definitely say yes."

She kissed him again. "You're amazing," she whispered. "You're the best lover I've ever had."

He smiled and kissed her neck. "That was just the beginning baby. I haven't even started to truly worship your body yet. Just you wait."

Olivia smiled. "I need a bit of a recuperation period," she chuckled.

Trevor nuzzled her nose. "We have all night, we have the rest of forever, or as long as you'll have me."

She smiled. "I'm inclined to never leave this bed. I feel—" she shrugged and shook her head. "I feel wanted and cherished and we've only had sex and I feel more cherished and wanted and loved by you than I did by my ex who I was with all through college. I'm just… I'm used to not feeling this way. I always assumed Billy loved me, and if he didn't, if he left then… I'd be alone my whole life. But—"

He caressed her face. "Anyone who could take advantage of being the one priveliged enough to love you, anyone who could cheat on you, or walk away over a medical diagnosis, even if it means that you can't carry a child, there are so many who desperately need a home."

Olivia looked up at him and took a deep breath and letting her mouth open. "Trevor Langan… I think I might be falling for you. So hard."

Trevor smiled. "Well, I know I am—"

She shook her head. "You don't understand. When Billy found out about the endometriosis I mentioned that there were so many ways to make a family, surrogacy, adoption. He said we didn't have the money for a surrogate, and that he wouldn't raise a child he didn't have a hand in making. I called him selfish and obtuse and that's when he slapped me. It hurt so much," she shook her head and felt her lip quiver. "I hadn't been hit in so long, I forgot what it felt like."

He rolled off of her and held her. "You never ever should have been hit, not by this asshole who if he ever comes near you again I will personally kick his ass, and not by anyone else."

Olivia rested her head on his chest. "My mom," she wiped her eyes. "She drank to cope with her rape but I was the constant reminder. The neglect wasn't enough, when she didn't pass out after she got drunk, she'd slap me around, the older I got the worse the abuse got." She shrugged. "I've never known what it feels like to be loved," she cried into his chest and felt him rub her back.

**A/N: Okay, I _KNOW_ it's possible for someone with endo to carry a child to term, that it's possible for a person with endo to get pregnant, and they're only at a slightly higher risk for a miscarriage, but this is late eighties and early nineties, we've come so far in reproductive health since then, and we still have a long way to go. Anyway, the next chapter is coming soon. I have a bit of a respite from work this week for the next couple days. Leave reviews here or on twitter (couricshargitay) and I'll see you in the next one. **


	2. Ladylike

**It took some time due to my crazy work schedule and feeling like I was in a creative rut, but finally part 2. Remember how I said this was only going to be 2 parts? Yeah not so much. Anyway, enjoy.**

Olivia woke up the next morning with a dry mouth, a wicked hangover, and a familiar ache between her legs. She sat up and looked around, finding herself in a strange apartment. She got up and found a shirt and slipped it on, smelling coffee. She walked out into the kitchen and saw Trevor standing there. "Coffee smells good," she mumbled, her voice laced with sleep.

Trevor smiled and placed a mug in front of her. "Sleep well?"

She graciously accepted the coffee. "Best Sleep I've had in years." She looked up at Trevor. "How badly did I embarrass myself last night?"

He shook his head. "I wouldn't think anything you said last night would be considered embarrassing." He took a sip of his coffee. "I've seen some girls not even be able to get up the next morning."

Olivia rested her hand on her forehead. "Well, to be fair, I do feel like I got hit by a truck. Vodka and I are not the best of friends. I so rarely drink it."

Trevor smiled. "Have some coffee, I'll get you something for the hangover and make some breakfast."

She sat at the breakfast nook. "Sounds good," she watched him walk away and looked around, it was a big, spacious apartment, and she had a vague memory of him saying he'd just finished college. She saw him come back. "You're probably going to think I'm really easy, but I don't remember your name— I drank way too much last night. I'm sorry."

He handed her the two pills and a glass of Pedialyte. "Trevor Langan. And you, Olivia Margaret Benson, are not easy. We all get a little out of hand sometimes."

Olivia looked at the pills. "Is this… is this Midol?"

Trevor nodded. "That it is."

She let out a breath. "Oh, God, now you're going to tell me you have a wife or a girlfriend and I just—" she stood up.

He stood in front of her. "No wife, no girlfriend. I don't have a significant other of any kind. I had a few nights in college where I would get black out drunk with my buddies and I'd be the only one making it to class the next morning because of the Midol. I got mercilessly teased for it, but I finished with a 4.0 GPA."

Olivia looked at him. "Okay," she took the Midol and drank the Pedialyte. She moved closer to him. "I don't remember a lot of last night, but thank you."

Trevor caressed her face and saw her eyes lift to meet his. "I'll tell you whatever you want to know. I'll tell you everything."

She ran her hands over his chest. "Kiss me," she whispered, seeing him smile. She wrapped her arms around him and felt his lips press against hers. She melted into him, and like magic, the whole night came rushing back to her. She broke the kiss and smiled. "Wow," she whispered.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her. "You look so good, so beautiful, so sexy, in my shirt. I don't even think I ever want you to take it off."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "Not even to see what's underneath? Because right now… there's just my naked body underneath this shirt, but if you don't want to see—"

Trevor ran his hands under the shirt. "Your skin is so soft," he whispered. "I paid attention to every detail about you last night, and I intend to do it again, and again, and again."

She let out a soft moan, her eyes closing as his hands ran over the bare skin of her torso, opening them only to look into his eyes. "So, you meant it? That you wanted more than last night?" She looked down at the floor and then back up at him. "Because last night… it came rushing back to me when you kissed me. Last night was the best sex I've ever had. I can't believe I was drunk for my first orgasm."

He smiled and pulled her close. "I could give you a few more if you wanted." He gripped her ass. "After breakfast, I think we both need some fuel, and then maybe a little more sleep."

Olivia smirked. "I'll take the breakfast, but I have to tell you, once I get back in bed with you, I'm going to be naked."

Trevor caressed her face. "I'd get naked now, but something about cooking bare naked doesn't seem like a very good idea."

She closed her eyes. "Just your touch," she whispered. "It feels so good," she opened her eyes and looked at him. "I have never felt this way from a simple, innocent touch. I was with my ex for four years, and even the beginning was nowhere near as incredible as this."

He looked at her. "Can I ask—"

Oliva ran her hands through her hair. "Why I stayed so long?" She saw him nod. "Because my entire life I was told I would never be loved, truly loved. I'd only be good as a sex toy. So when Billy told me he loved me, when Billy proposed, when Billy told me he wanted to spend his life with me, I believed him. I thought that's what love was. Even if he called me Jelly Bean. Even though he cheated on me for probably as long as we were together. I thought he loved me and I thought if I lost him I'd be single forever." She shrugged.

Trevor wrapped her in his arms. "That is in no way love. You're so much more than a sex toy, and being cheated on is terrible. And you, beautiful, are no Jelly Bean. You're Olivia Margaret Benson, you're a beautiful woman. A beautiful woman who is so strong, who has survived things no one should have to."

She looked up at him. "You really think I'm beautiful?"

He kissed her forehead, her nose, and finally her lips. "The most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. Inside and out."

Olivia blushed. "So, we're gonna give this an honest go? We're really going to try this out?"

Trevor kissed her forehead. "If that's what you want. Liv— Olivia—"

She pressed her finger to his lips. "Liv," she whispered. "Liv is perfect."

He held her face in his hands. "Liv, I want whatever you want. If you want to give this a go, I want to see where it leads, and that's what I'm hoping you want, because now that I know what your lips taste like, I don't know if I'll be able to go back to a world without your kiss."

Olivia bit her bottom lip. "The more I kiss you, the more I'm inclined to agree." She rested her head on his chest. "I have to give my sorority sister a call, let her know I'm alright."

Trevor smiled. "Whatever you need, you can use my phone, you can borrow some clothes to head back to your place, or you can borrow clothes to go back to your house and pick up a bag, and you can stay with me. If you wanted. If it's not too fast."

She kissed him softly, swaying them gently. "If you want me here with you, I'll head over and pick up some clothes. Though, are we going to go anywhere, because I'd be happy to stay tangled in the sheets."

He picked her up and she giggled, he set her down on the counter. "I'd like to take you on a proper date, dinner, dancing." He tucked her hair behind her ear. "Then we can come back and we can have all the fun in the world."

Olivia smiled. "That can be easily arranged," she wrapped her legs around him. "You should definitely make breakfast before we wind up having fun with no food in our stomachs, because right now," she paused and held his face in her hands her forehead on his. "I want nothing more than to feel you," she whispered.

Trevor picked her up again. "What can I make you, my beautiful lady? Eggs? Pancakes?"

She blushed. "I haven't had pancakes in so long. Years, probably," she kissed him gently. "I vote pancakes."

He smirked and held her close. "Pancakes it is," he whispered. "You want to relax or would you like to be my sous chef?"

Olivia smiled. "I'm not very good in the kitchen. Up until I moved in with Billy I survived off of Captain Crunch and peanut butter sandwiches. Before that just about the only thing I could make was pop tarts."

Trevor kissed her cheek. "You sit, I'll cook." He saw her sit down, he couldn't help but stare at her. She was breathtaking.

She bit her bottom lip. "So, I hope I'm not being rude, but how do you afford such an amazing apartment? Just being out of college and all, I mean."

He smiled. "My family has money, so they agreed to support me through college and law school, but I have to pay them back once I'm a hot shot attorney."

Olivia smiled. "That's nice. To have a family, I mean. I'm sure the money isn't terrible either."

Trevor stood behind her and kissed her neck. "Family isn't all it's cracked up to be. We all have skeletons."

She looked at him. "Until the only family you have is a drunken mother who wished you were never born, and made that clear from a young age."

He wrapped her in his arms. "I'm sorry, Liv." He kissed her cheek. "I don't know if it matters, but I'm happy you were born."

Olivia turned and wrapped her arms around him. "Right now? Yeah. Yeah, that matters." She smiled gently. "I feel like I'm distracting us from getting breakfast," she whispered and kissed him, her hands running over his body. "But I don't care anymore," she looked into his eyes.

Trevor stood her up. "We can be a bit irresponsible, because I can't keep my eyes, my hands, or my lips off you. We can have food after we give into this."

She closed her eyes and gasped, opening her eyes again. "I need to feel you, Trevor. Please," she whispered. She felt him push she shirt she had on over her head and she looked at him, giving a half shrug.

He let his eyes travel her body, pulling her close, their chests pressing together. "Your skin is so soft, Liv. Like velvet."

Olivia let out a shaky breath and closed her eyes. "Your hands feel so good on my skin," she whispered, letting her head fall back.

Trevor kissed her neck and picked her up. "Let's take this somewhere a bit more comfortable. Bed sound good?"

She giggled and wrapped her legs around him. "Anywhere sounds good as long as I get to feel you inside me," she whispered and kissed his neck as he walked with her to the bedroom.

He groaned and sat her on the bed, taking his boxers off and climbed on top of her, looking down into her eyes. "You're so beautiful, so perfect," he whispered and ran his hand over her thigh, wrapping her leg around his waist. "You ready?"

Olivia looked at him and nodded. "Please," she gasped when she felt him push inside of her, closing her eyes. "Mm, oh my God!" She arched her back.

Trevor groaned and drilled himself, letting her adjust to his size. "God, you feel amazing."

She pulled him close. "Move, baby. Please," she begged and gripped his ass.

He kissed her passionately and started moving inside of her, slow, powerful strokes. He broke the kiss and looked into her eyes. "God, what you do to me," he whispered.

Olivia gasped. "Oh, right there!" A flush started to rise over her chest, feeling his forehead on hers, his pubic bone hitting her clit causing her to moan loudly. "Trevor!"

Trevor smiled and ran his hand up her thigh. "You like that? You gonna come for me?"

She bit her bottom lip. "Come with me, Trevor. God I'm so close." Her orgasm building quickly, feeling him kiss her neck, gently biting down. She tilted her head, thrusting her hips up into his, her eyes rolling back in her head as she started to milk him.

He kissed up to her ear and let out a low growl. "That's it, beautiful. I'm right behind you. Let go," he whispered.

Olivia's arms wrapped around him, her nails digging into his back as her orgasm wracked her body. She cried out in pleasure, feeling his release inside her. Her back arched as they rode out their respective climaxes, falling into a heap of sweat and limbs as they kissed. He pulled away and her eyes fluttered open and she smiled. "Damn you're good."

Trevor kissed her shoulder. "Anything for the most beautiful woman I've ever had the pleasure to lay eyes on."

She blushed and ran her fingers through his hair. "You're far too kind." She bit her bottom lip. "But you make me feel so beautiful. More than just a means to an end. I feel—" she stopped and shook her head. "Never mind."

He rolled off of her, slipping out of her causing her to gasp. "Tell me," he whispered, caressing her face.

Olivia looked into his eyes. "I feel wanted, and appreciated, cherished."

Trevor kissed her forehead. "Good," he whispered. "I want you to feel all that and more." He ran a hand over her side. "How's your head?"

She smirked. "I've never had any complaints," she winked.

He chuckled. "Such a dirty mind."

Olivia shrugged. "One of my many talents."

"The dirty mind or the blow jobs?"

"Actually, both. Let me call my sorority sister and I'll show you my talent in the latter."

He lifted her chin and slowly kissed her lips. Hearing her groan he smiled. "Phone is on the nightstand. I'll give you some privacy and go make us some breakfast," he whispered and kissed her lips quickly. "If I'm not back by the time you're done feel free to join me in the kitchen."

Olivia smiled. "Okay," she watched him walk out of the bedroom and she reached over and picked up the cordless phone, dialing the phone number and putting the phone to her ear, waiting for her Big to pick up. "Ker? It's Liv."

Kerry, Olivia's big in her sorority shot up to a sitting position. "Jesus Christ Liv, where the fuck are you? Are you alright?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "I'm fine. I met a guy at the bar last night and I went home with him." She couldn't help the smile that spread across her face.

Kerry ran her hand over her face. "You couldn't have called?"

Olivia sighed. "I should have. I'm sorry. I was a little busy until about five minutes ago. But I just wanted to call and tell you that I'm okay and that I'll be by in a bit to pick up some clothes."

Kerry furrowed her brow. "Wait, you're still with this guy? How much do you even know about him?"

Olivia fought the urge to groan. "I know enough, okay? Please just trust me. I'm a big girl and I can handle myself."

Kerry pinched the bridge of her nose. "I know, but you were devastated over Billy, I don't want to see you hurt again."

Olivia shook her head. "Trevor is… different. I've never met a man so kind. Look, he's making us breakfast, I should go see if I can do anything to help. Like I said, I'll be by in a little bit to pick up some clothes. He wants to take me on a real date."

Kerry gave a small smile. "Okay, but I want details when you're here."

Olivia blushed. "A lady doesn't kiss and tell."

Kerry let out a small laugh. "Since when are you a lady?"

Olivia bit her bottom lip. "Trevor makes me feel like one. I gotta go. Bye Ker." She hung up and put the phone back on the charger. She got up and walked out of the bedroom, still naked, walking into the kitchen, making eye contact with Trevor. "Hey, sexy."

Trevor looked up at her, the breath leaving his body. "How did you get more beautiful in the last ten minutes?"

She shrugged. "I'm not sure." She moved to stand next to him, kissing his neck. "Trevor," she whispered and turned his face toward hers. "Do I make you happy?"

He looked into her eyes. "Yes, very much so."

Olivia smiled. "You make me happy, too. We've only known one another a little more than twelve hours but this… it feels perfect. It feels right. You make me feel like a lady, and not a whore."

Trevor smiled back at her. "Stay with me?"

She smiled. "Until you get sick of me."

He kissed behind her ear before whispering, "That'll never happen."

**A/N: Thanks for reading! If you could be so kind as to leave a review here or on Twitter (couricshargitay), I'd greatly appreciate it. I'll see everyone in the next update of... something... **


	3. Home

**I was working on a Lovely update, and this kept gnawing at my brain. So... ta-da! Again, my apologies this took forever. I'm doing my best. **

**_**

Olivia looked at herself in the mirror of Trevor's bathroom, pulling her hair up into a ponytail to head back to her sorority sister's home. She saw Trevor come in and wrap his arms around her, admiring her in his basketball shorts and tank top. "Hi there," she cooed.

Trevor kissed her neck. "You look so good in my clothes. And without a bra," he mumbled against her skin. "I just want to—" he stopped, cautious of his word choice.

She met his eyes in the mirror. "Just want to what?"

He shook his head. "I don't want to hurt you."

Olivia took in a shaky breath. "Say it."

Trevor looked at her in the mirror, moving his lips to her ear. "I just want to fuck you senseless."

She let out a breathy moan, her head falling back against his shoulder. "Let me go pick up some things, and you can fuck me all you want," she grinned and turned in his arms, wrapping her arms around him. "You're allowed to want to fuck me. You're allowed to fuck me."

He looked down at her and caressed her face. "I don't want you to think that I think that's all you're good for."

Olivia smiled and kissed his palm. "Want to know how I know you don't think that?" She stood on her top toes and kissed his lips softly. "Because you're worried about even saying you want to fuck me in fear of me thinking that," she mumbled against his lips.

Trevor lifted her up and set her on the sink, kissing her lips, his fingers running over her thighs. "You're too good to be true."

She smiled and ran her hands over his chest. "That's you, baby." She bit her bottom lip. "Come with me to pick up some of my stuff. I want you to meet Kerry, and maybe because I want to bring you in my bedroom to makeout with you," she whispered.

He smirked. "You're sure she won't mind me being in your room?"

Olivia smiled. "We're adults. Besides she's entertained quite a few gentleman callers over the few weeks I've lived with her. She'll be jealous that I have the most handsome man in the entire world on my arm, on my bed," she kissed him again and nipped at his bottom lip.

Trevor let out a groan, cradling her face in her hands as he kissed her. He broke the kiss and let out a breath. "On one condition," he whispered.

She grinned. "Name it. Anything for you, baby. Whatever you want."

He kissed her forehead. "Be my girlfriend? I have loved every second I've spent with you, and I don't want it to end any time soon."

Olivia's eyes sparkled. "It would be my honor to be your girlfriend, Trevor Langan. Truth be told, I don't want it to end either." She took his hands in hers. "Help me bring some clothes and my toiletries over? And when we get back… fuck me?" She kissed his knuckles.

Trevor wrapped her in his arms. "I can't think of a better way to spend the day. Maybe later on tonight we can go out on our first real date. You may be my girlfriend, but I have every intention of wooing you."

She bit her bottom lip, her heart fluttered. "I could get used to being wooed," she looked into his eyes, getting lost in the glorious green blue pools she saw staring back at her with adoration, the small flecks of gold that appeared in his irises. "Because this, right now, sitting on the counter in your bathroom, staring into your captivatingly stunning eyes, I can't help but never want this to end. This feels— right, comfortable, perfect."

He rested his forehead on hers. "I don't plan on going anywhere. I'm happy. With you. I'm happy."

Olivia smiled. "Me too," she whispered. "We should head over to Kerry's, before we wind up having some fun," she whispered. "As much as I want to feel you inside me, I should get some clothes to bring over," she winked. "So you can continue to woo me."

Trevor helped her off the counter and kissed her slowly, his hands holding her tightly, putting every emotion he felt towards her into the kiss. He broke the kiss and looked deep into her eyes. "Let's go," He whispered.

She felt her heart pounding in her chest. He didn't have to speak the words, but she knew, she knew what he tried to tell her with that kiss. She took his hand. "Let me slip into my heels, at least until we can get back to Kerry's and I can pick up some shoes that aren't heels."

He followed her out of the bathroom and watched her slip into her heels, kissing the back of her neck before grabbing his keys and leading her out, hailing a cab for them. "My beautiful girlfriend," he whispered in her ear.

Olivia smiled up at him, kissing his knuckles. "I can't remember the last person, other than you, to call me beautiful." She slid into the cab and rested her head on his shoulder, giving the cabbie the address to the apartment of her sorority sister. "Thank you for finding me beautiful." She kissed his shoulder and looked up at him.

Trevor looked down at her. "Anyone who can't see how breathtakingly beautiful you are has got to be blind." He kissed her lips softly, caressing her face. The cab pulled up in front of an apartment building. "This it?" His voice was soft.

She opened her eyes and nodded, seeing him pay the cab fare and sliding out, helping her out of the cab. She held his hand and walked into the building, walking up the three flights of stairs to the apartment. She opened the door and saw her friend on the couch, putting out a joint. "God, Ker, must you hotbox the apartment?" She waved her hand in front of her face.

Kerry looked at Olivia. "Oh look, the whore mother is back," she rolled her eyes. "I thought you were shacked up."

Trevor narrowed her eyes. "What did you—"

Olivia turned to face him. "Ignore her," she whispered. "Come on, let's go get my stuff."

Kerry took a swig of the beer on the table. "Maybe if you don't like the fact that I want to hotbox my apartment you should just move out. Go back to being hit by mommy."

Olivia had turned to walk to her bedroom and once she heard Kerry's last comment she stopped in her tracks and steeled herself. She brought Trevor into her room where she broke down in silent sobs, feeling him pull her into a hug. She gripped his shirt and cried, hard. She relaxed after a few moments. "She gets mean when she gets drunk and high, but that last comment really hurt." She wiped her eyes. "I can't move back in with my mom. I've spent too long trying to get away from her."

Trevor wiped her tears from her eyes and kissed her forehead. "Move in with me," he whispered. "I know it's fast, but I want you safe."

She looked up at him. "You mean it? I don't have much, I can even take the couch."

He smiled. "Don't worry about how much you bring, and I won't hear anything of it. You can take the bed, and if you don't want to share I'll take the couch."

Olivia smiled. "Trevor, I'm not going to kick you out of your own bed," she pulled him closer by his belt loops. "Besides, I think we do some pretty amazing things in that bed," she winked. "Help me pack?"

Trevor kissed her softly. "Whatever you need beautiful." He wrapped her in his arms and kissed the top of her head before she kissed his cheek and started moving around the room, changing into flip flops, putting the heels she wore the night before in a suitcase. He helped her pack all her things into two suitcases and a bag for all her toiletries and makeup. She looked at Trevor and looked around the room. He kissed her cheek. "How about we head back, have some lunch and relax a bit."

She looked up at him. "I still want you to fuck me," she grinned. "Thank you for offering to let me move in with you."

He wrapped her in his arms. "I want you safe," he whispered. He tilted her head up and kissed her gently. "We haven't known each other for a day yet, but I already care about you so fucking much."

Olivia blushed and picked up one of the suitcases and her bag with her toiletries after leaving her key on the nightstand. "Let's go home."

They walked out of the apartment building together, he hailed a cab and let her slide in first as he put her suitcases in the trunk, climbing in next to her, giving the cabbie his, now their, address. Trevor kissed the top of her head as he held her close. "You're incredible."

She nuzzled into him. "I feel really safe with you," she whispered and held his hand. Once the cab came to a stop she followed Trevor into the apartment and into the bedroom, putting her things down, her arms wrapped around him. "Is your family going to be okay with me staying here?" She asked gently. "If they aren't I can find another apartment, I may just need a few weeks."

He kissed her forehead. "Well, my mom won't have an issue, and it's her money paying for the apartment," he whispered. "Don't worry your beautiful mind about a single thing."

Olivia rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes. "I can't believe how truly amazing you are," she kissed over his heart.

Trevor caressed her face. "After graduation next week, I was planning on going on a cross country road trip—"

She took a sharp inhale. "I can absolutely get a hotel while you're gone. I don't want to impose."

He kissed her lips. "Hey, let me finish," he whispered. He saw her nod. "Come with me. I'm going to rent an RV and we can have sex in as many states as possible, have some of the best food we can find, make some memories before we throw ourselves back into studies."

Olivia bit her bottom lip before taking off the shirt she had on. "I like that plan a lot better." She took her hair down and pushed the pair of his shorts that sat on her hips down. "Now," she grinned, seeing his eyes travel over her body. "Ravish me."

Trevor lifted her up and crashed their lips together. He felt her legs wrap around his waist and he walked her back up against the wall, hearing her moan when her back made contact with the solid surface. He kissed down her neck and felt her back arch. His hand started to massage her breast, causing her to moan loudly.

She gasped when she felt his tongue circle her nipple. Her hand rested on the back of his head. "Baby," she sighed and closed her eyes, feeling his lips move down her body until she felt her legs over his shoulders and his lips wrap around her clit. Her eyes shot open and she gripped his hair. "Mm," looked down and met his eyes and she let out a low moan. "Oh, fuck! Your tongue," she let her head fall back.

He grinned, continuing to pleasure her with his mouth. "Mm," he groaned, sending vibrations through her body. She let out a squeal, pulling gently on his hair. He moved gently away. "Let me taste you, baby. Come on." He lightly blew on her clit and quickly wrapped his lips back around her clit just in time to taste her release on his tongue. He slowly brought her down and maneuvered them so he could pick her up and carry her over to the bed, laying her down and climbed on top of her and kissed her passionately.

Olivia wrapped her arms and legs around them. "I don't know how you learned to do that, but fuck that was amazing."

Trevor grinned and pulled his shirt off, revealing his chiseled body. "Oh, sweetheart, that was just the beginning."

Her eyes darkened and she bit her bottom lip. "Come and get me," she grinned.

**A/N: A little fast? Yeah, but don't think everything is going to be all sunshine and rainbows. We'll see the storm clouds. Fear not. Leave a review in the meantime, here or on Twitter (couricshargitay)**


	4. Run

**I'm on a kick guys. I have this storyline in my head so when I'm not down and out with a migraine and I'm not doing school work or teaching, I'm pretty much writing this so I can get through it (not saying it's a bad thing) and update one of my other stories. Anyway, here's this. The first storm clouds. **

Olivia collapsed onto the bed on her stomach, Trevor on top of her. "Mm." She closed her eyes. "You make me feel so good, baby." She was panting, trying to catch her breath from their middle of the night romp.

Trevor kissed her shoulder and smirked. "You are absolutely amazing," he whispered, also working on catching his breath.

She'd woken up in the middle of the night and coaxed him awake with her hands, her lips, and her tongue. Before they knew it they were fucking, and he left her screaming for more. Now, both were spent, perspiration covered their bodies as they both caught their breath. "Trevor?" She asked gently.

He looked down at her, the sound of her voice now a stark contrast from what it had been moments earlier as both hit their climax. "Yes, beautiful?"

Olivia smiled and looked back at him as best she could. "Thank you. For everything. I don't know how I can ever repay you for everything you've done for me. You have taken better care of me in this past week of knowing me than anyone else ever has." She felt him move off of her and lay next to her and pulled the blankets over them both. "See, like this. And you don't hog the blankets. You hold me while we sleep." She felt the tears well up in her eyes. "I don't deserve you," she whispered and curled into his chest, letting the tears fall silently.

Trevor held her tightly. "Oh, baby." He whispered, his fingers running softly over her back. "Baby, you don't need to repay me for—" he stopped himself. "For caring about you." He kissed the top of her head. "I can't help but care about you. You're very special to me."

She lifted her head and looked up at him. "Really?" She saw him nod and she hugged him and kissed his jaw. "You mean so damn much to me," she whispered. "I could never ask for more, Trevor."

He kissed her temple. "Olivia, you deserve the world, the universe. Hell, you deserve the goddamn galaxy. I wish I could give that to you, but, because I can't pull the galaxy down from space to give to you, I'm just going to keep lo—. Keep caring for you as best as I can."

Olivia sat up and looked at him. "Were you… Trevor do you love me?" She asked, her voice shaking. "Really, truly love me?"

Trevor sat up next to her. "If I say yes, are you going to run?"

She smiled and felt new tears well up in her eyes. She sat on his lap. "I'm not running from this, from you. From us." She shrugged her shoulder and looked into his eyes, the bedroom only illuminated by the moonlight.

He smiled and caressed her face, wiping away the single tear that rolled down her cheek. "Olivia Margaret Benson," he began in a soft voice. "I love you."

Olivia took a deep breath. She felt like her heart had exploded. For the first time in her life, she knew the man in front of her, looking into her eyes meant it when he said 'I love you'. She smiled. "I love you, too." She closed the distance between their lips, kissing him passionately, but tenderly.

Trevor tangled his hand in her hair as they kissed. He broke the kiss and caressed her face. "You're stunning."

She blushed. "You're the only person to tell me you love me that I've ever believed."

He wrapped her in his arms. "I like not having to go to classes or work right now. I get to spend more time with you."

Olivia kissed his cheek. "I like it too." She climbed off him and lay down, seeing him lay down facing her. "What happens when you go to law school and I go to the Academy?"

Trevor took her hand in his. "Well, hopefully we stay like we are now."

She looked away from his eyes. "The New York Police Academy is residential. I have to stay on property until we get a night we can go out. Even then we have to report back by ten." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, willing her tears not to fall.

He lifted her chin. "We can still talk. If not on the phone we can write letters, if we want this, us, to work, we'll make it work."

Olivia nodded, a somber look on her face. "Okay," she whispered. It wasn't that she didn't believe him. She wanted to, so badly, but things like this have never worked for her. She'd accepted it as a fact of life, a fact of her life. She felt him squeeze her a little tighter and kiss the top of her head. She closed her eyes and held onto him.

Trevor felt the shift in the air. He was determined to make this work with her, to prove to her that it could work. He loved her, he wasn't going to let her live her life believing she was unlovable. He rolled onto his back and felt her head on his chest, her breathing evening out. "I love you," he whispered to her sleeping form. His eyes slipped closed and he drifted off to sleep.

She woke up shortly before sunrise and slowly slipped out of bed, not wanting to wake Trevor. She got dressed in bike shorts and a t-shirt, slipping into her sneakers. She looked at Trevor and smiled, kissing two fingers and pushing them gently to his lips. "I love you." She walked into the kitchen and took a water bottle and grabbed her house key, going out for a run. The emotions from the previous night left her needing to clear her head, and with her physical fitness test to enter The Academy coming up, she needed to run to get her time down. So, she ran as fast as she could, her chest burning, sucking the water down as she turned around and ran back, tears streaming down her face. She loved Trevor, and she was determined to make this relationship work, whatever storms may come their way. She reached the apartment and rested against the wall outside the door to catch her breath before going in, seeing Trevor pacing in the kitchen. "Love?"

He heard her voice and he ran over to her and wrapped her in his arms. "Thank God," he whispered and held her tight. He pulled back and looked into her eyes, caressing her face. "Are you okay?"

Olivia was confused. "I'm fine, I went for a run. I uh— I needed to clear my head and get my time down for The Academy."

Trevor kissed her passionately and picked her up. She smiled against his lips and looked back into her eyes. "I woke up and you weren't in bed, you weren't in the bathroom, the kitchen. I noticed your sneakers were gone and I thought you left. I never thought I'd see you again."

She cradled his face. "Trevor, I won't lie. The thought of having to live apart for six months is killing me. And I got scared last night. Good things don't last for me, that's just how my life has always gone. My mind started racing that you'd find some girl in law school who was prettier, and smarter, and just better than me." She wiped her eyes. "But on my run, I realized how deeply in love with you I am. And if I have to fight some law school flirt who wants to throw herself at you, then I'll do it, because damn it, you are everything to me, and I'm not letting you go. Not without a fight."

He held her tight. "Liv, baby, you're my everything. I'm deliriously in love with you." He rested his forehead against hers. "And I can promise you, there is nobody as beautiful, as smart, or as incredible as you. And I know you could take anyone." He kissed her lips softly. "Next time you want to go for a run, let me know, okay?"

Olivia smiled. "I was afraid that I couldn't look into your eyes, that I couldn't even talk earlier without crying. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry I scared you. But I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me," she whispered.

Trevor grinned. "I wouldn't have it any other way. And the six months are going to be hard, but I will be by your side whenever I can, whenever they'll let me. And after the Academy, come back home. You can think of fun ways to help me study."

She smirked and hopped out of his arms. "You mean like quizzing you and for every answer you get right I take off another piece of clothing?" She took her t-shirt off, revealing her sports bra underneath. She felt his eyes travel over her body. "I'm going to hop in the shower," she walked away and turned and looked at him over her shoulder. "You comin'?"

He turned and followed her, quickly catching up to her. "You're stunning," He whispered. "I am so lucky, so thrilled, to call you mine."

Olivia turned the water of the shower on. "All yours. All the time," she bit her bottom lip. "Can I show you just how sorry I am for not waking you up before I went running?"

Trevor looked into her eyes. "You came back, that's all I need, but I have a feeling you have something in mind."

She smirked and started undressing him, taking his hard length in her hand, stroking him. "Mm, that I do," she bit her bottom lip. "Only question is do you want to be in my mouth in the shower, or out here." She gasped as he kissed her neck. "Mm, you ready, baby?" She ran her hands over her chest. Trevor, as he was, got her worked up and aroused regardless, but her arousal always heightened when she went for a run, and having an incredibly sexy man waiting for her made it that much more.

He groaned and watched her fall to her knees, his back against the wall. He felt her lips around him and he groaned. She was a goddess and she damn well knew it too. The way she moved her mouth over him made him weak in the knees. "Fuck," he closed his eyes, looking down at her, seeing her eyes lift to meet his. "Jesus. Fuck me."

Olivia smirked and let him go, stroking him and squeezing her breast. "Come for me, shower with me, and then you can have your way with me. I'm so goddamn wet for you Trevor."

Trevor gripped her hair. "It never takes long when you use your mouth on me. I'm right there baby."

She grinned and took him back in her mouth, taking him deep into her mouth, seconds later, tasting his release in her mouth. She swallowed and kissed the top of his cock. "Mm. So good." She stood up and took her sports bra off.

He saw her bare chest come into view and he pulled her into a kiss. "So sexy," he mumbled against her lips. He pushed her bike shorts and thong down and kept their lip lock until they got under the water.

Olivia held onto him like he was her life source, like the sun rose and set with him. She wanted nothing more than to stay in his arms forever. She broke the kiss and looked into his eyes. "Wash me?"

Trevor smirked. "You bet, baby." He picked up her body wash and started sensually washing her, his fingers feather light as they moved across her breasts, her toned abdomen, her legs, her ass and her shoulder blades. He washed her hair and he heard her sigh. He washed the soap off her body and from her hair adding conditioner.

Her moans were breathless, her eyes closed as his hands roamed her flesh. "Yeah, baby," she whispered. She felt him rinse the conditioner from her hair. "Mm," she droned and her arms wrapped back around him. She kissed him slowly, her hands running over his chest. She broke the kiss and turned off the water. "Take me to bed. Make love to me. We have a few more hours before we have to get ready for your graduation."

He smirked and helped her from the shower, both of them drying off and wrapping towels around themselves. He picked her up and lay her on the bed, looking down at her. "My God, you're beautiful. You're a goddess. Laying here like this."

Olivia caressed his face. "Trevor, I love you, but right now I need to feel you. My body needs a release. My body needs you. Make love to me. I want to be writhing underneath your touch, your body. Please, baby," her voice came out as more of a needy whine.

Trevor grinned and kissed her slowly, hearing her moan, feeling her nails scratch his back. He pushed his fingers inside her, assuring she was ready for him. He broke this kiss and both let out a moan. "Fuck, you're so wet."

She arched her back as he moved his fingers inside her. "Baby," she cried. "I want you. I love what you do with your fingers but I need you," she begged.

He smirked and pulled his hand away, sucking his fingers clean. He heard her moan and he smiled and kissed her again, pushing into her. They moaned into the kiss and he started moving into her, slow, long, powerful strokes. He broke the kiss again and looked into her eyes. "Oh my God, you feel amazing."

Olivia arched into him, feeling him wrap her leg around his waist and she scratched his back. "Oh, don't stop baby. Right there!"

Trevor kissed her neck and moaned gently into her ear. "Come on, baby. I'm so close." He was ready to come, but he wouldn't until she did. He was determined. "Come for me."

She gasped and gripped his hair. "Oh my God!" She felt her muscles contract around him. "Oh, Trevor!" She felt his release inside her and she arched into him. "Mm."

He kissed her lips and rolled them to their sides. "I love you, Olivia Margaret."

Olivia smiled. "I love you, Trevor James." She felt him slip out of her and she took a deep breath, resting her head on his chest once he rolled to his back. "Am I going to meet your family today, at your graduation?"

Trevor rubbed her back. "Do you want to?"

She looked up at him. "If you think they'll like me," she shrugged. "Most families don't like me. They think I'm unrefined, classless. Most of them think I'm a whore. I've gotten good at hiding the pain that those words cause. But um, if you think that's what they'll think of me, then I'd rather wait until we've been together longer. Or until I'm officially a cop."

He looked down at her and kissed her forehead. "I think the majority of my family will love you. The only one who may not is my dad. But he hates everyone, miserable son of a bitch that he is."

Olivia smiled. "Introduce me to them, and I'd love to meet them," she whispered. "And then next week we set off on our road trip? Cross country?"

Trevor smiled. "I can't wait. Show you the night sky in middle America, make love to you under the stars, see you in your bathing suit once we hit California, bathing in the Pacific Ocean."

She smiled. "That sounds incredible," she whispered. "We should get a bit more sleep, you need to be wide awake to walk across that stage."

He looked at her and kissed her lips. "When's your ceremony?"

Olivia looked at him. "It was yesterday," she shrugged. "I never had any intention of going. I stopped giving a damn about the pomp and circumstance years ago. I stopped caring about the ceremonies when I realized that nothing I did would be good enough for my mother, that no matter what I did, she'd never love me."

Trevor looked at her. "I'm sorry, I know it's not the same, but I love you. And I am so immensely proud of you, and you are more than good enough."

She looked at him. "It's not the same, but knowing I have one person who's proud of me, who loves me, who I'm good enough for, that means so much."

**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this! I'm going to go get rid of this migraine now and rehearse my speech I need prepared for tomorrow. **


	5. Anxiety

**I'm so loving this story. I wrote this in about 36 hours, and I love it. Enjoy.**

Olivia looked into the mirror as she put on a little bit of natural makeup. She had on a dress that Trevor had picked out, he said she would look even more stunning than she looked everyday. It was a royal purple sleeveless dress, it was modest, but hugged her curves just right. She put on dark pink lipstick and put a little perfume on, walking into the bedroom and seeing Trevor. "There's the man of the hour. The man of the night. I'm so proud of you Trevor. You finished undergrad with a 4.0 and got into Columbia Law. I'm proud to be on your arm tonight. I'm proud to watch you walk across that stage. I'm proud to be your girlfriend."

Trevor looked at her and walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm proud to have you on my arm, my beautiful girlfriend, my cheerleader."

She smiled and kissed him softly. "Let me get my shoes on and we can go. I really hope that your family likes me. I can't lose you," she whispered.

He kissed her forehead. "You're not going to lose me. I love you, and I think on my own, I don't let my family dictate how I feel."

Olivia looked at him. "Until they give you the ultimatum of breaking it off with me or they take this apartment away." She took a deep breath. "We can't both wind up homeless," she gave a smile that didn't meet her eyes. "I love you more than anything, but if they threaten to take away the apartment, let me go. I'll figure it out, I'll go back to my mom's for a few weeks until I go into the Academy."

Trevor caressed her face and shook his head. "If you're going to be moving back in with your mother I'm coming with you. I won't let her hurt you anymore."

She looked up at him and shook her head back. "Trevor Langan, I've dealt with being abused for most of my life. I can take it a few more weeks if I need to in order to stay off the street. I'd rather be hit and emotionally abused than raped."

He wrapped her tightly in his arms. "None of the above are going to happen. Not if I can help it, okay? I don't want you to even think about it right now."

Olivia looked at him. "Fine, let's go celebrate you. You earned it."

Trevor watched her slip into her heels and he tied his dress shoes, watching her stand up. "I can't get over how beautiful you are."

She smiled and walked over to him. "We should go before we miss the ceremony so we can spend the night in bed. Then your family really would hate me."

He held her hips, still sitting on the bed. "As long as you promise after the ceremony and possibly dinner and drinks that we can come back here and I can see just what you have under this dress."

Olivia looked down into his eyes. "Baby, we live together. We will always come back here and you will always get to see what I have under my clothes. Regardless of what I have on for the world to see, you're the only one who gets to see underneath," she whispered and lifted his chin. "Come on, love. Let's head out so I can meet your family and your family and I can get good seats."

Trevor stood up and kissed her softly. "Let's go beautiful." He grabbed his cap and gown and they headed out. He found his parents and his sister and smiled. "Mom, Dad, Ro."

Trevor's mother stepped forward. "Oh, my baby is all grown up. Graduating college." She hugged him tight. "And you start law school soon. I'm so proud."

Trevor hugged his mother, noticing Olivia moving back slightly, making herself smaller. "Thanks Mom. I actually want to introduce you all to someone. My girlfriend, Olivia Margaret Benson."

Olivia smiled and stood next to Trevor. "It's lovely to meet all of you."

Trevor's mother looked at her and smiled. "The pleasure is ours. How did you two meet?"

Olivia smiled and rested her hand on his arm. "I was in a very, very bad point in my life after I finished my last semester and Trevor helped me. More than I could ever put into words."

Trevor's sister, Rowan, asked. "Did you go to NYU as well?"

Olivia shook her head. "Siena. Majored in Psychology. I needed a change of scenery. I grew up in Manhattan and I just… I needed some new surroundings for a bit."

Trevor looked down at her and they smiled at each other. "I've never been as happy as I am when I'm with Olivia."

Trevor's mother couldn't help but smile. "Are you planning on going into private practice?"

Olivia smiled. "I'm actually headed to the New York Police Academy around the time that Trevor starts law school. I… well I want to help people. People who've been in situations I've been dealing with my whole life. Maybe make sure another little girl has a better, or easier life than I did." She looked at those around her. "That just got really dark and I am so sorry. I don't want to make a bad impression. I'm just so nervous. Trevor means so much to me. I don't want you all to hate me." She let out a quiet nervous chuckle and she looked up at the ceiling, trying to keep the tears at bay.

Trevor wrapped his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. "It's alright, I'm here," he whispered to her.

Olivia nodded and gingerly wiped her eyes. "If you'll excuse me, I just need a moment." She looked up at Trevor. "I'll be right back."

Trevor looked at her, concerned. "Do you want us to wait?"

Olivia felt anxiety rise in her chest and she shook her head. "No, no it's okay. I'll um… I'll find a seat. I'm okay," she nodded and walked towards the bathroom, running into a stall and throwing up, resting her head back against the stall door, tears starting to fall down her face in buckets. "Damn it," she whispered and closed her eyes.

Trevor's mother followed her and saw her sandals under the stall. "Olivia? Dear, it's Trevor's mom. Are you alright?"

Olivia took a deep breath and pressed the lever on the toilet where her stomach contents had come up earlier. She opened the stall a little and slightly hid behind the door. "Other than the fact that I made an ass out myself in front of all of you. I'm so desensitized to the trauma, I forget that it comes off as too much. I'm sorry. And then that caused an anxiety attack." She shook her head. "I have a bad track record with families. Mothers, specifically. They don't think I'm the right kind of girl for their son." She wiped at her eyes. "Mrs. Langan, I haven't known Trevor very long at all, but I have never felt the way I feel about him about anyone I've ever been with. And I was engaged. I love him. I would do anything for him, and I know that he's too good for me. He's an amazing man, he makes me feel beautiful, and loved. No one else has ever made me feel those things.

"Trevor has a family, a mom and a dad and a sister, and probably so many more members of that family, your family. Me? I have an alcoholic mother who was emotionally abusive growing up and as I got older the physical abuse started. I was ugly and stupid and useless. I was the reminder of the worst night of her life. I was the reminder of the night she was raped." She took a deep breath. "They never caught her rapist. My father, they never caught him. They barely tried. She looks at me and she sees him. She doesn't love me. She never has. I'm not good enough for my own mother, how could I be good enough for a man as incredible as Trevor?"

She felt fresh tears fall. "I want to be a cop because even if I can't get justice for my mom, I'll be able to get justice for someone else. Someone else's mom, and maybe that kid won't have to start cleaning vomit off the kitchen floor at 7, fend for themselves as soon as they could make a bowl of cereal. Maybe that kid will grow up knowing that they're loved, and wanted, and beautiful and smart and good enough for someone to love. And they deserve it, and that they don't need to settle. I almost did, before Trevor. I was engaged to a man who was cheating on me from day one. He left me after I had a miscarriage. I met Trevor in a bar three weeks later. It was supposed to be one night, but it turned into so much more. He saved me. And I can't lose him." She whispered. "I'm madly in love with your son, but I will walk away if you give him an ultimatum. If you give him an ultimatum of me or the apartment, I'll walk away. Because I love him, and we can't both be homeless. We can't both go to live with my mom. I can take it for a few weeks."

Trevor's mom opened the door farther and brought her out of the stall, holding her shoulders. "I don't hate you, none of us do. And I can honestly say no one has ever told me just how much they care about my Trevor. No one has ever said they'd leave if we gave him an ultimatum. But I don't give ultimatums. I don't respond to ultimatums, so I don't give them to anyone else. You and Trevor have my blessing for this relationship, wherever it goes. Now, let's go watch him walk across that stage."

Olivia nodded. "I probably look crazy, makeup all streaked all over my face," she looked at the mirror and she nodded. "Crazy is an understatement," she took a paper towel and wet it and wiped her eyes, making sure she wiped away the streaked makeup. She looked back at Trevor's mother. "I'm sorry I dumped all of that on you, Mrs. Langan. I sometimes forget that not everyone can handle my dark past."

Trevor's mom smiled. "Olivia, I'm a psychiatrist, that's nothing, I've heard a lot darker. And please, call me Violet."

Olivia smiled. "I'm sorry, Trevor hasn't told me much about all of you."

Violet smiled. "Well, let's go see him walk, and I hope you'll be coming to dinner with us."

Olivia smiled and walked out of the bathroom with her. "If you all will have me."

Violet smiled. "I insist, as I'm sure Trevor does."

Olivia smiled and they walked into the giant auditorium and found Trevor's dad and sister. She sat next to Violet and took a deep breath. They all listened to the different speakers and then the procession started. Once Trevor's name was called the family clapped and yelled for him. The ceremony took a little more than two hours in total. Olivia stood outside they auditorium and let him hug his family first as she walked over to him and hugged him tight. "I'm incredibly proud of you, love," she whispered and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. "You did it, baby." She smiled.

Trevor held her hand and kissed her knuckles. "You okay?" He asked, concerned about her, worried she was ready to bolt.

Olivia smiled and nodded. "Your mom helped. I was having a hard time when I first walked away from everyone, my anxiety got the better of me." She squeezes his hand. "I'm not going anywhere, Trev. I'm always here."

The foursome went out to dinner and had a great time, Trevor and Olivia heading home. Once the door closed he pushed her up against the door, looking into her eyes. "You're so sexy," he whispered. "I want nothing more than to make love to you right now. Then I want to fuck you. I want to go back and forth between them all night, or until we collapse from absolute exhaustion."

She grinned. "You may want to take off my dress then, once you see my lingerie you're going to want to tear it off me. But please don't, it's expensive."

He saw her turn around and he unzipped her dress. She stepped out of it and turned around and his breath left his body. "Jesus Christ, baby." He pulled her close. "You're so goddamn sexy." He ran his hands over her skin. She moaned and arched into his touch. He let his eyes wander over her in a red lace teddy.

Olivia smirked. "You like it?" She ran her hands over his chest. "I want you, Trevor. I need you." She pushed him back towards the couch and straddled him.

Trevor gripped her hips. "I fucking love every inch of you." He felt her start to grind into him. "Oh, my God." He pulled her in for a kiss.

She moaned and broke the kiss, moving her lips to his neck, and up to his ear. "Tonight is all about you baby. Whatever you want. However you want it. Say the word and I will happily give you anything."

He looked up into her eyes. "You. You are all I want Olivia." He cradled her face in his hands.

Olivia smiled, her eyes shining. "You've got me, Trevor. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not running. I'm madly in love with you. You saved me." She kissed his lips softly. "You have my heart, my soul, my body. You have me," she whispered.

Trevor ran his hands up her back. "Then I'm the luckiest son of a bitch in the world.

She tilted her head and smirked. "Now, your mother is nothing of the sort," she rested her forehead on his. "Mine on the other hand…" she kissed him again. "Now, back to our night, to us. I don't want to be talking about our mothers while we do some of the things I have in mind."

He gripped her ass. "Yeah? Like what?"

Olivia giggled and stood up, towering over him. "Oh, trust me baby, I'm going to do things that make your eyes roll back in your head." She smiled when he groaned. "And I haven't even touched you yet." She sat next to him and smirked. "You know, I should probably get better at handcuffing. Perhaps I could cuff you to the bed, have you watch as I touch myself? But without your hands, you'll have to wait for me to finish before you get off." She grinned. "You, Trevor Langan, get to do whatever you want to do to me tonight. Whatever your heart desires."

Trevor looked up at her. "Anything?"

She smiled and nodded. "Whatever you want."

He pulled her back into his lap, having her straddle him. "Olivia, I love you with everything I have. As sexy as you are right now, all I want is to kiss you and hold you. You are what I want. Not your body, as much as I love making love to you and fucking you. Tonight I want this," he whispered and rested his hand over her heart.

Olivia has tears in her eyes as she gazed into his. "Oh, Trevor," she whispered. "You've got it, baby. Always," she whispered and kissed him, slowly.

**A/N: Leave a review, here or on Twitter (couricshargitay). I'm off to write a paper and finish preparing my speech. Both of which are due tomorrow. **


	6. Music

**Seems my mojo has come back. At least for one story. Most of my writing is done Sunday-Wednesday because Thursday-Saturday I'm working so much and I'm just exhausted. Enjoy while you can, while the mojo is still here.**

Olivia put the last of what she thought she'd need in her suitcase and closed it, seeing Trevor walk in, feeling his arms wrap around her from behind, his lips on her neck. She giggled and let out a moan. "Mm, Trevor," she rested against him. "Where's our first stop on our trip?"

Trevor couldn't help but admire her long legs in short denim shorts and a yellow crop top. Her hair was back in a ponytail and he gripped her hair and gently tugged, hearing her let out a groan, his lips trailed over the exposed skin of her neck and she let out a breath. "First we need to go pick up the RV, and then our first stop after that is a state park in New Jersey. A beautiful hiking trail, part of the Appalachian Trail."

She closed her eyes. "If you keep up what you're doing right now we won't make it out of the bedroom." She chuckled and felt his hands snake around the front of her body, his fingers popping the button on her shorts, feeling his fingers slip into her panties. "Fuck!" She hissed as he started rubbing her clit. She rested her hand on the back of his head. "Trevor, we're never going to get out of here," she moaned. "How are we going to be able to keep our hands and lips off each other while we drive?"

He pushed his fingers inside of her. "I didn't think about that," he whispered in her ear. "Because I can barely keep my hands off of you as it is."

Olivia cried out and rested her hand over his wrist. "You know, we could just go to a cabin up state," she moaned and moved her hips into his hand. "Then we don't need to worry about how we're going to keep our hands off each other and our eyes on the road."

Trevor moaned. "As long as I'm with you, I don't care where we go." He felt her start to contract around his fingers. "Come on, sexy. You're so goddamn close," he whispered in her ear. "Come for me baby. Let me catch you."

She gasped and opened her mouth in a silent scream as her body started to contort with her orgasm. "Trevor!" She cried and felt him bring her down and she fell forward against the bed, panting. "Oh, my God." She felt his body weight on top of her. "Mm, so good."

He kissed her shoulder blades. "So, RV our cabin upstate?" He asked with a smirk. "You're so damn insatiable, I vote cabin."

Olivia smiled. "Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Can you blame me for wanting you every second of every day?" She smiled. "Besides, you know exactly where to touch me to get me all worked up for you. Just like I know exactly when, where, and how to touch you. I know what to say. I think a cabin is our best bet. We can still make love under the stars. Still make memories. I'll even let you take some naughty pictures of me to get you through the six months I'm in the Academy. If you really wanted."

Trevor stood her up and turned her around and shook his head. "Nothing compares to the real thing." He ran his hands over her body. "God being away from you for six months is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done in life. And I'm going to Columbia Law."

She chuckled and ran her hands over his chest. "I may not physically be here in your arms for six months, but I'm always going to be right here," she whispered and rested her hand over his heart. "As much as I hate it too, it's not forever. And I'm coming back to you, Trevor."

He cradled her face in his hands and slowly kissed her. "How do you feel about Lake George? I have a friend who has a cabin up there I bet we could stay in for a week or two. Just me and you, the stars, the water?"

Olivia wrapped her arms around his waist, kissing his chest. "I think that sounds just about as close to perfect as we could ever get."

Trevor kissed her lips gently. "Let me call my friend, and if we can get in this week, we should probably hit the road soon, it'll take us a few hours to get up there."

She smiled and moved back so he could pick up the phone. She buttoned her shorts and walked into the bathroom to pack up her toiletries to take them with her. She walked back into the bedroom and moved over to Trevor who had just hung up the phone. "So, are we going to be making love under the stars tonight?"

He grinned and gripped her ass. "Oh, yeah baby," he whispered. "And to my knowledge, tonight is a full moon." He kissed down her neck and chest.

Olivia moaned. "Oh! You're gonna get me all worked up and I'm going to be so wet for you on our way upstate." She let her head fall back as he kissed her chest. "Baby," she sighed and scratched the nape of his neck. "I'm going to need to give myself a release in the seat next to you."

Trevor groaned and kissed up to her lips. "You're irresistible."

She smiled. "We should hit the road so we still have some daylight when we get up there." She kissed his neck. "We should stop and get ourselves some food for the week before we get to the cabin, because once we're in the cabin, my clothes come off," she whispered in his ear, biting his earlobe.

He groaned. "Whatever you want baby," he whispered. "We really should head out. You're going to love the cabin," he smiled and pulled her close and looked into her eyes and caressed her face, before leaning in and kissing her with as much passion and love as he could and held it for a few moments, hearing her moan. He pulled away and smiled. "I think that'll last me until at least we get to the store upstate."

Olivia let her eyes flutter open, breathless. "Just remember baby, payback's a bitch."

Trevor smirked and they both headed down to the car that Trevor rented with their bags. He put them in the trunk and climbed in the driver's side. "Ready, beautiful?"

She smiled and leaned over and kissed his cheek. "To get away from the city and spend the next week rolling around in the sheets, or beneath the stars? You bet I am."

He smiled and rested his hand on her leg, pulling out into the road and turning on the radio, hearing a song play through the speakers. He took her hand and kissed her knuckles. "I love you, Olivia."

Olivia turned to face him. "I love you, too, Trevor. She stroked the back of his hand with her thumb. You Shook Me All Night Long came on the radio and she bit her bottom lip. "Trev," she said gently, her heart started to beat faster. "This song, it gets me so hot."

Trevor heard the tone of her voice. "We're still a few hours out," he said gently.

She groaned and arched her back, trying everything she could to relieve the pressure between her legs. "I need a release," she begged.

He came to a stop light and looked at her, seeing her chest flushed. "You're so sexy."

Olivia looked at him. "I have to do something, and I want nothing more than to feel you inside me, but I'm so fucking wet and I need you so much. God, please." She sighed.

Trevor watched her. "I want to hear you," he whispered. "I want to hear you come for me."

She let out a shaky breath and unbuttoned her shorts and pushed her hand down her panties, rubbing her clit. "Oh my God!" She pushed three fingers inside herself and she gasped. "Trevor! Baby."

He groaned and felt himself get hard. "God, Liv. I love how you moan for me."

Olivia let her mouth fall open, pushing herself off the seat. "Oh, right there! Mm, just like that. Don't fucking stop!" She let her head fall back. "I'm— I— fuck me!" She cried as her orgasm tore through her. She sat up and closed her eyes. "Not nearly as good as you, but it was good." She looked over at him, her eyes appearing drunk.

Trevor looked over at her and smirked. "You alright there?" He rested his hand on her thigh. "That was so sexy to hear. I just wish I could have helped in some way," he gently squeezed her thigh. "Why don't you close your eyes, baby?"

She picked up his hand and kissed his knuckles. "I love you, Trevor Langan." She smiled at him. "Wake me if you need me."

He smiled. "I always need you, Olivia. Close your eyes, we'll be there before you know it."

Olivia smiled and reclined her seat and closed her eyes. The next thing she knew Trevor's lips were on hers. She started to kiss back and she let out a moan. She felt him pull away, and her eyes fluttered open. "Is that safe to do while we drive?"

Trevor smirked. "We're at the grocery store, the car is parked, and I've been waiting to kiss you for hours."

She smiled. "I think we should go food shopping before we continue that kiss. Or we're going to get arrested for indecent exposure. I can get myself off without pulling my clothes off. Getting you off, on the other hand, requires me to take off at the very least the lower half of your clothes." She buttoned her shorts and kissed his lips. "Let's go, sexy."

He kissed her cheek. "Can I hold your hand through the store?"

Olivia blushed. "Well, I'm your girlfriend, aren't I?" She tucked a tendril of hair behind her ear.

Trevor caressed her cheek. "You are. I just don't want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

She kissed his lips quickly. "You are an incredible man and I am madly in love with you." She looked into his eyes. "Let's go get food so we can get back to the cabin and get out of these clothes, take a peek at the shower," she whispered.

He grinned. "Little minx," he whispered. They climbed out of the car and Trevor took her hand in his. "Wow," he whispered.

Olivia looked at him. "What?" She asked, swinging their arms a bit.

Trevor looked back at her and smiled. "I'm holding the most beautiful woman's hand. Our hands fit so perfectly together."

She smiled as they got a cart from the front of the store. "Our entire bodies fit perfectly together," she whispered and walked around the store with him as they both picked out food for the week and then headed to the cabin on the lake. "This is beautiful," she whispered after she climbed out of the car, feeling his lips on the back of her neck. "We should get at least the groceries inside, put away the cold stuff, and then…" she turned around to meet his eyes. "And then I want you."

He smirked and they carried in the groceries. "You hungry now?"

Olivia bit her bottom lip. "You pick, I'm going to run to the bathroom quickly and I'll be back in just a moment," she kissed his lips and walked into the bathroom, leaving him to make lunch, sandwiches.

Trevor finished making and serving their lunch, turkey and Swiss on rye with Dijon mustard and a little bit of pasta salad. "Liv? Baby, lunch is ready."

She opened the door and sauntered out naked. "Mm, can't wait. I'm famished." She walked over to a stunned Trevor, his mouth open and took her plate. "Oh, this looks so good baby, thank you for making it. You take such good care of me."

He looked over at her. "You… your clothes. You're naked." His eyes raked over her naked body.

Olivia smirked. "Nothing you haven't seen before," she winked and took a bite of the sandwich. She let her head fall back. "Mm, Trevor this is orgasmic."

Trevor couldn't help but study her. "You're going to be the death of me."

She put her plate down and wiped her mouth. "What are you going to do about it?" She asked, her hands running over his chest, her eyes looking up to meet his. "Trevor I'm yours, you can do whatever you want to me."

He put his plate next to hers and cradled her face in his hands and shook his head. "It's not about me, Olivia. It's not about what gets me off, you're more than a means to an end to me."

Olivia tried to look away from him. "Trev, I—"

Trevor ran his fingers gently down her throat. "Olivia, look at me." He saw her eyes return to his, tears welled up in them. "I love you. I truly love you. I know this feels new and scary. But I'm going to love you the way you deserve. So it's not about me. It's not about me getting off. It's about us. It's about both of us hitting climax. Okay?"

She felt a tear fall from her eye and she sniffled. "Okay," she smiled and felt his lips on hers. They enveloped each other in their arms and he picked her up. She broke the kiss and looked down at him. "You're right. This feels new and scary because I don't know what it feels like to truly be loved. I didn't know what it was until we got together. No one has ever truly loved me. And I've always been a means to an end. A toy. I slip back into that mindset sometimes and I'm sorry. But please know how much I love you, and never leave me."

He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm not going anywhere. Ever. And never apologize for how you've reacted to that which was meant to break you in a way that guaranteed your survival. I love getting to be with you, Olivia. You're irresistible. But that is not the only reason I'm here. It never has been."

**A/N: So there's chapter six. We'll see some smut next chapter. Under the full moon. In the mean time, leave a review, here or on Twitter (couricshargitay) and I'll see everyone soon. **


	7. Wasp

**Still on this Painful and Private kick. I have an idea for next chapter. Anyway, this chapter may be a little repetitive from a couple chapters ago, but Olivia has a tendency to think the sky is falling. And I think Baby Olivia would have thought it even more so, especially after what (in this story) she went through with Billy. So, enjoy Chapter 7. **

Olivia rested back against Trevor in the bathtub, candles around the edge, the lights off. She held his hands. "I like it here," she whispered. "It's like… it's like the outside world doesn't exist. My mom, the fact that we're going to be apart for half a year, it's just us. At least for a little while longer." She felt tears well up in her eyes.

Trevor placed a chaste kiss to her neck, holding her in the warm, bubble filled water. "What's going through that beautiful mind?"

She took a deep breath. "How you're probably going to meet a ton of brilliant, beautiful women who come from money while I'm off getting tased and pepper sprayed. That I'm gonna hold you back from falling in love with one of those brilliant, beautiful WASP women."

He kissed the back of her head. "There may be women there who are brilliant, and fit society's standards of beauty who come from money. But you don't need to worry about them, Olivia. You have my heart. And regardless no woman can hold a candle to your astute mind, your absolute beauty, and your heart. Money… money can make people heartless."

Olivia nodded. "I won't be mad, you know, if you meet someone better while I'm away. I don't want to tell you that you can't, Trev." She shrugged.

Trevor turned her around and looked into her eyes. "Olivia, I'm not going to meet anyone better. Because there is no one better than you."

She rested her forehead against his. "I want to believe you," she whispered. "So badly."

He cradled her face in his hands. "But?"

Olivia felt a tear fall from her eye. "But no one ever stays," she whispered. "And I've never, ever wanted anyone to stay as badly as I want you to stay." She let out a sob and felt his thumbs wipe her tears away. "But I don't want to get in the way of your happiness. So, if you find someone new, someone you think you can be happy with, happier than you could be with me… go. I'll be okay," she whispered and nodded.

Trevor wrapped her in his arms and held her tightly as she sobbed in his arms. He rubbed her back. "Shh, shh, shh." He soothed. "I love you, Olivia Margaret Benson," he whispered. He held her until he felt her body relax against his, and her sobs turned to whimpers. The water cooled and he kissed the side of her head. "Let's go lay in bed. I'll hold you," he whispered. "And tomorrow, we can get out and make some memories. More than just making love. Because as much as I love making love to you, you deserve to know that you're more than sex."

She nodded and stood up. She was exhausted, she stepped out of the tub as he pulled the drain and blew out the candles. He got them both a towel and he picked her up and carried her to the bed, laying her down and climbing in next to her. "Trevor," she whispered and rested her head on his chest.

He stroked her hair and wrapped them in blankets. "Hmm?"

Olivia closed her eyes. "I love you, too." She held onto him tightly, feeling herself relax in his embrace. Within moments she was sleeping peacefully in his arms.

Trevor smiled and kissed the top of her head. He was determined to find a way to show her he wasn't going anywhere. He closed his eyes and fell asleep, holding onto her. He was up first the next morning and moved to get out of bed to make breakfast. He felt her grasp tighten on him. He stopped and laid back down, stroking her hair. "I'm here," he whispered. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

She stirred about a half hour later and looked up at Trevor. "Morning," she smiled and kissed his lips gently. "Thanks for listening to my crazy last night, and just holding me. I needed it."

He smiled and sat them both up. "Not crazy. I understand where you're coming from, the fear. But I'm going to figure out how to prove to you that I'm not going anywhere."

Olivia looked into his eyes and smiled. "I look forward to it," she whispered and slowly kissed him. She pulled away and bit her bottom lip. "What's the plan for today?"

Trevor caressed her face. "I was thinking of making breakfast, we have a couple of options as to what we could do during the day, and then I'd like to take you out to dinner tonight."

She nuzzled into his hand. "Mm, that sounds nice." She kissed his palm. "Is one of the options during the day making love to me until we pass out?" She sat on her knees. "I'd be okay with fucking, too," she whispered in his ear.

He held her hips. "How about I make breakfast first? French Toast?"

Olivia nodded. "One condition," she ran her hands over his chest.

Trevor looked at her. "Name it," he watched as her eyes darkened ever so slightly.

She pulled him closer to her. "French kiss?" She winked and pressed their lips together, running her tongue over his lips and moaned gently when he opened his mouth to her. They kissed for several minutes and she grinned, pulling away as she bit his bottom lip. "Let's go eat. I'll put on clothes if you want," she climbed into his lap. "So I don't distract you," she rested her forehead against his.

He ran his hands over her sides. "I have a feeling that even if you had clothes on you'd be a distraction. My favorite distraction." He let his eyes drift over her body. "You're insatiable all day long, but first thing in the morning—"

Olivia giggled. "Guilty as charged." She kissed his neck. "Nothing like an orgasm to wake up in the morning. Better than coffee."

Trevor grinned. "So, should we wake up before we eat?"

She pushed him down on the bed. "I don't think it's wise to cook half asleep." She kissed his lips, feeling his hands on her hips. "I need you so bad, baby."

He felt her sink onto him and both groaned. He watched as she sat up straight, starting to ride him. "Ah, fuck."

Olivia let her head fall back. "Oh, fuck me!" She whined and felt him flip them, pulling out of her. "No, I need you, baby. Don't tease," she whined and pouted.

Trevor smirked. "Get on all fours. I want to fuck you so hard." He watched her comply and he knelt behind her. "You want me to fuck you? Spank your ass? Pull your hair?"

She moaned. While previously she wasn't terribly into being spanked or having her hair pulled, she'd try anything with, and for Trevor. She trusted him, and knew that if she told him to ease up or to stop, he'd do so. "Baby," she said and looked back at him. "I trust you. I haven't been the biggest fan in the past but I'll do anything for you, with you."

He pulled her up and looked into her eyes. "Are you sure?"

Olivia smiled and nodded. "I am. Because I know if I tell you to stop or to take it a bit easier, you'll do it. So, yes. Fuck me from behind, Spank my ass. Pull my hair."

Trevor caressed her face. "You tell me if you need me to stop?"

She smiled and kissed his palm. "Promise," she whispered and moved to get back on her hands and knees, swaying her hips from side to side. "Fuck me, Trevor. I want you, I want this. Please," she begged.

He grinned and gripped her hips pushing into her, hearing her moan. "Oh, shit." He ran his hand over her ass and spanked her, hearing her moan get louder. "You like that, hm?"

Olivia gripped the sheets and met his hips as he started pounding inside of her. "Trevor!" She gasped, feeling his hand tangle in her hair, tugging gently. "Oh yeah," she arched her back. "Don't stop. Don't ever stop. Oh, my God!" She let her head fall onto her forearms. "Baby, I'm gonna come!"

Trevor pulled her up so she was flush against him, his hand lightly resting on her throat. "Come on baby, come for me."

She took his hand on her throat and moved it to her breast. Her muscles contracted around him and she cried out in pleasure as her orgasm took over. "Fuck me!" She rested her head back on his shoulder, riding out her orgasm as she felt his release spill inside her. "Holy shit," she groaned, both of them collapsing into a heap on the bed. "Wow," she closed her eyes.

He kissed her shoulder. "You could say that again," he smiled and rolled off of her and held her. "You alright?"

Olivia smiled. "Perfect. Trev, I told you, I trust you."

Trevor looked into her eyes. "My hand on your throat earlier, when you moved it?"

She let out a breath. "I've been choked before. From behind." She shrugged. "I love being fucked from behind, my brain was a little apprehensive about the spanking and hair pulling, but like I said, I trust you. Billy… when he would drink and we'd have sex he'd get violent. Not just one or two spanks that didn't leave a mark. He would spank me hard, repeatedly until my ass was bright red, and if I asked him to take it easy or stop it'd be worse. There were times it hurt to sit for days after. My hair… when we first got together it was long, and then he started pulling hard, I cut it to try to get him to ease up. It didn't work. He choked me a few times, said it would give me a better orgasm. I lost consciousness a few times, there were times I had to wear scarves to cover up the bruises." She wiped her eyes.

He held her tighter. "I'm so sorry, baby. I never would have—."

Olivia shook her head. "You didn't know. I didn't tell you. Don't apologize for doing something you didn't know would trigger feelings and memories." She caressed his face. "You can caress my throat while you're in front of me, just don't wrap your hand around it, okay?"

Trevor kissed her forehead. "Whatever you want, baby." He held her close and wrapped the blankets around them. "I'm so glad that you aren't with him anymore. I'm even more glad that you and I are together so I can treat you exactly how you have always deserved to be treated. So I can love you unconditionally, for as long as you'll let me."

She kissed his lips. "I'm glad we're together, too. I feel more truly loved in your arms than I ever have. I feel cherished and respected and I wouldn't give it up for anything." She rested her head on his chest. "It's really going to suck not being in your arms after I get pepper sprayed and tased," she looked up at him. "I know those things are going to be so painful," she sighed. "Electric volts going into my body. Capsaicin sprayed into my eyes. I know I'm going to want nothing more than to be in your arms after."

He held her tight. "We'll figure it out. But if you are able to come home at any point, you are always welcome to come home."

Olivia smiled. "Any time I'm allowed off property I'll be home in your arms." She nuzzled his nose. "We should eat some breakfast," she smirked.

Trevor looked into her eyes. "Breakfast. And tonight I'm taking you out on the town. I'm wooing you. I'm wining and dining you."

She blushed. "I don't know how fancy the clothes I brought are."

He caressed her cheek. "Don't worry your brilliant mind, I promise."

Olivia kissed his lips softly. "I trust you."

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Next chapter we'll see Olivia and Trevor go on their date. I'm thinking we're getting a tad complacent, so there's going to be some angst in the next chapter. But, leave a review, here or on Twitter (couricshargitay). See you soon. **


	8. Promise

**And I'm back. I've been sick all week so I've had a bit of extra time to write. So, enjoy. **

Olivia walked into the bedroom in the cabin to see Trevor getting his suit ready for their date. "Now I definitely know I don't have clothes dressy enough for tonight," she walked over to him. "A suit and tie, and all the dresses I have look more like lingerie than a going out dress."

Trevor smiled and handed her a garment bag. "Open it, let me know what you think."

She looked at him and opened the bag and she gasped. "Trevor! Oh, baby this is beautiful." She held up a black velvet dress that fell mid thigh with a sweetheart neckline and white satin sleeves and a white satin bow in the back.

He kissed her lips gently. "It is going to look beautiful on you." He moved to the closet and took out a shoe box. "And these are for you as well."

Olivia smiled. "You're too good to me, Trevor Langan." She opened the shoes and gasped. "God these are perfect." She picked up one of the shoes, a peep toe, patent leather pump with a white bow on the top. "I should probably get ready. I want to look beautiful for you tonight. I want to make you proud to have me on your arm."

Trevor kissed her forehead. "Olivia, you could walk out of here in nothing but some fig leaves, and you would still be the most beautiful woman on the planet and I would still be so proud to have you on my arm."

She blushed. "I think it would be frowned upon for me to walk into a restaurant wearing nothing but fig leaves," she wrapped her arms around him. "I mean I'd need some kind of a shoe or they would kick me out."

He laughed and kissed her gently. "Go get dressed before I follow you in there and make you scream."

Olivia grinned. "We'd miss dinner." She kissed him one last time. "I'm going to go hop in the shower, wash up, do my hair and makeup, and put on this beautiful dress and these beautiful shoes." She carried her dress and shoes into the bathroom before walking back to the bedroom and picking out a bra and panties. She winked at Trevor and got in the shower, washing her hair and body and shaving her legs. She climbed out and towel dried her hair, putting it up to get it out of her face while she did her makeup. Once she had a natural look with just a pop of color she started doing her hair, deciding on a French twist. She slipped into her under garments and then into the dress and shoes. She walked out of the bathroom and looked Trevor up and down. "Fuck, you're handsome."

Trevor looked at her and smiled. "You're breathtaking." He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. "I'll never get over how beautiful you are."

She blushed and wrapped her arms around him. "We should probably get going, because if we stay here like this, I'm going to want to vigorously make out with you and I'll ruin my makeup." She placed a soft kiss on his lips. "Take me to dinner, and then we'll come back here and make love under the stars."

He caressed her cheek. "Perfect." He took her hand. "Let's go have a magical evening," he whispered. They walked out to the car and they parked about a block away from the restaurant. They walked hand in hand until they reached the restaurant, standing in line. "I hope you'll like it here."

Olivia smiled. "I'm not picky, I'm sure it's lovely." She took his arm and rested her head on his shoulder. "God, I love you."

Trevor kissed the top of her head. "I love you, too, Olivia. So much." They were seated and brought menus. Trevor ordered a bottle of champagne and raised his glass once it came and the waiter poured them each a glass. "To the most beautiful woman in the world, the woman I love with all my heart."

She bit her bottom lip. "And to the most handsome man I've ever laid eyes on, who sees the best in me, even when I don't see it myself." They clinked glasses and took a sip. "What are you thinking, for dinner?"

He looked over the menu. "I was thinking clams casino as an appetizer to share, and I was planning on garlic butter shrimp linguini."

Olivia smiled. "That sounds good. I was thinking of the coq au vin as a main course with a salad on the side."

Trevor smiled. "Whatever you want, my love."

The two of them ordered and talked and laughed until their food came, they shared and their eyes locked a few times. By the time they finished their food, they'd also finished the bottle of champagne and they ordered Crème brûlée to go. Trevor paid the check and took the bag with their desserts and they walked out hand and started walking back to the car.

"Jelly Bean?"

Olivia stopped in her tracks, her blood ran cold, the breath left her body. "Billy," she whispered and turned around, holding tight to Trevor.

"How's my favorite little whore?"

Olivia looked at the ground. "Please," she closed her eyes.

Trevor stepped in front of her. "What did you call her?"

Billy took a step towards Trevor. "I called her a whore. Did she tell you how she moaned for me? Did she tell you she's damaged?"

Olivia hid behind Trevor, feeling tears well up in her eyes. Billy's words bringing her back to a terrible headspace. "Trev, can we go? Please." Her voice shook with emotion.

Billy laughed. "Oh, the little cry baby going to go home and cry? Olivia Mary Benson, not so big and tough anymore huh?"

Olivia stepped in front of Trevor and looked at Billy. "You're unbelievable. We were together for four years and you don't even know my name. You're pathetic."

Billy moved to slap her and Trevor caught his wrist. "Lay a finger on her and you'll wish you'd never been born. She's right, you're pathetic. You let her go. Walk away and never contact her again." He let go of Billy's wrist.

Billy looked at him. "Like you know any more than I do."

Trevor looked at him. "Her middle name is Margaret, not Mary. I know that you aren't worth my breath. Walk away." He turned and put his hand on the small of Olivia's back and started walking away. He opened the car door for her and she climbed in and locked her door. "You alright?"

Olivia shook her head and dissolved into a puddle of tears. "I'm sorry," she whispered, gasping for air. "I am damaged. He's right." She wiped her eyes. "In more ways than one." She looked down at her lap.

Trevor took her hand. "Olivia Margaret Benson, look at me," he said and turned her face gently. "You are not damaged. You've had a rough life and that sucks, but it in no way makes you damaged. You're the strongest person I know." He kissed her softly.

She met his eyes. "Not to mention that my body can't do the one thing that it was made to. I can't carry a child. I'm damaged. I can put on a brave face and I can face this world day in and day out but I'm damaged Trevor. I have dings and dents and scars that go so deep that I don't think I'll ever get rid of them. I don't think that I will ever believe that I'm good enough. Good enough for you, to be a cop, to even still exist on this planet."

He pulled her close. "Baby," he wiped her eyes. "Don't let him in your head."

Olivia shook her head. "He just said what was glaringly obvious from the start." She took a deep breath.

Trevor took her hand. "Olivia, he's not right about you. I love you endlessly. Let's get back to the cabin, and I'll do whatever you want me to, to make you feel better. I don't care what it is."

She squeezed his hand and looked out the window. "Yeah," she wiped her eyes again. She watched the town fly by her, an array of shapes and colors. She eventually dozed off.

He pulled up to the cabin and looked over at her, caressing her cheek. "Beautiful," he whispered. "Wake up, baby. Let's go inside and get comfortable."

Olivia stirred and looked at him. "I'm sorry he ruined our night. He ruined the mood. I let him live rent free in my head," she shrugged. "I'm trying, but Billy… he fucked me up. Mentally. He fucked me up. He still knows how to use things against me. I love you, Trevor. The idea that you'd wake up one morning and realized how damaged I truly am terrifies me. Because I've never had what I have with you. I've never had love."

Trevor kissed her lips softly. "I'm not going anywhere, baby. I'm here. For life."

She smiled and bit her bottom lip. "Take me inside and make love to me. Let's salvage what's left of this evening."

He smiled and climbed out of the car, opening her door, walking inside with her, carrying their dessert, putting it in the fridge. He felt her arms around him and he turned and looked into her eyes. "I have something for you, and I don't want you to panic, okay?"

Olivia looked at him. "What is it?" She watched him walk into the bedroom and then come back out. "Trev?" She saw a small velvet box in his hand. "What are you—"

Trevor wrapped her in his arms. "Don't. Don't panic. Let me explain before you panic."

She nodded and looked up into his eyes. "Not panicking." She watched him open the box and her hand covered her mouth, tears springing to her eyes. "Are you… is this…?"

He smiled. "It's a ring, but it's not an engagement ring. Not yet. We haven't known each other that long. What this is, is a promise ring. I have one, too. It's a promise that I'm not going anywhere. I'm committed to you."

Olivia looked at the ring, a bright sapphire on a platinum band. "I wouldn't want it any other way." Trevor took the ring out and let her see the engraving inside the band. "TJL." She looked up into his eyes. "Trevor James Langan."

Trevor smiled and slipped the ring onto her right ring finger, kissing her knuckles. "Beautiful."

She took his hand. "Where's yours?" She asked, resting her hands on his chest.

He pulled out another box and opened it. A thicker platinum band with smaller sapphires was inside. He watched her take it out and he smiled. "OMB." He caressed her face. "Olivia Margaret Benson."

Olivia slipped the ring on his right ring finger and looked into his eyes, giggling when he kissed her. "Mm," she pulled away and turned around. "Unzip me, bring me to bed, and make love to me," she whispered and felt him drag the zipper down her back, letting the dress fall to the floor. She stepped out of it and stepped out of the shoes, walking with him to the bedroom. "I love you, Trevor. So much. This ring… this ring means so much to me," she whispered and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him again passionately, starting to undress him.

Trevor held her and as she slowly undressed him he took off her bra and panties. He broke the kiss and picked her up, laying her on the bed and climbing on top of her, resting on his forearms, brushing her hair out of her face. "My God you're beautiful."

She smiled and pulled him into another kiss. "Make love to me until the sun comes up, Trevor," she murmured against his lips, her back arching.

He held her hands and smiled. "Gladly." He pushed into her slowly and both moaned. "God," he started to move slowly inside of her.

Olivia's back arched, her nails scratching his back. "Oh, Trevor!" Her hips met his as they moved together. She kissed him and rolled them over, her body staying close to his as they kissed, feeling his fingers run over her shoulder blades, down her back and gripping her hips. She broke the kiss and arched her back as she moaned.

Trevor groaned and rolled them back over, resting his forehead on hers. "You feel so good, Liv." He kissed her neck and down her chest, pulling one of her nipples into his mouth. She let out a loud moan. He felt her muscles contract around him. "That's it beautiful, come for me."

She held tight to him as she came around him. "Trevor! I love you baby!" She felt his release inside of her and she moaned. "Oh, yes!" She arched her back as they rode out their respective climaxes.

He collapsed on top of her and kissed her. "I know it's not morning yet, but that was just round one, baby. We're not done yet."

Olivia moaned. "I don't want to be able to walk tomorrow, baby. Rest up. We're gonna need it." She kissed him and rolled them so he was on his back, feeling him grip her hips. "You get me so hot," she whispered. "You know how Billy asked if I told you how I moaned for him?" She looked into his eyes. "All fake. With you, every moan, every scream, every noise that leaves my mouth while we're having sex is one hundred percent genuine and ten times louder than it was with him."

Trevor pulled her down and kissed her. "I love how you moan for me, Liv." He held her close to his chest. "Do you feel better now than you did in the car."

She shrugged. "A bit. But I do have dents and scars that are so deep, Trevor. I'm working on it, I'm working on getting all of the negative people and thoughts out of my head, but it's not easy." She nuzzled into his neck. "Trevor Langan, you make it a little easier." She looked into his eyes. "And I love you endlessly."

He caressed her face. "I'm glad I can make it easier. You don't have to go through this alone. You never should have had to. I'm here now. Let me help you."

**A/N: Leave a review, here or on Twitter (couricshargitay). I'm going to probably take the rest of the day to sleep and get to feeling better before I even think about chapter 9. Anyway. I'll see you guys soon. **


	9. Stars

**I hate being sick, I hate that the place I work is closed. But it means I have some more time to write FanFiction. So here's this. It's almost all smut. Just a little bit of fluff. Enjoy it while it lasts. **

Olivia ran her fingers through Trevor's hair as he rested his head on her chest, their roles reversed for the time being. "You're amazing, Trevor. You know that, right?" She kissed his temple. "I don't want this vacation to end. I don't want to go off for six months where I'm going to be put through hell and not have you to hold me at night."

Trevor kissed over her heart. "Baby, you can do this. I know you can. Because I know that you're going to do amazing things once you get on the force. It's not going to be easy, but you can do this. You've survived hell already, Liv. You'll survive this."

She pulled him up on top of her. "The only reason I'll survive this, and I'll be able to be strong, is because I have an amazing man to come home to," she whispered and kissed him. "The pain, from what I understand, the pain will be next to unbearable. But when I'm getting volts of electricity shot through my back, pepper spray in my eyes, what I'm going to be thinking of to get me through all of that is going to be your face, the way your arms feel around me, the way your lips feel on mine." She felt him wipe away her tears. "I can handle a lot of pain, I've had to, but now that I have you, now that I have the man that I love, I don't want to handle pain. I don't want to have to do that." She shrugged. "But I know in order to help people, kids like me, people like my mom, I know I have to do that. I know I have to handle some more pain in order to do all that."

He kissed her gently and wrapped her in his arms. "And I will be here for you every step of the way. I promise." He felt her nuzzle into him and he smiled. "I love you. And whenever you can come home, I promise I will hold you and make love to you and tell you how beautiful you are."

Olivia looked at him. "You'll hold me when I cry over the pain of the taser and pepper spray?"

Trevor smiled and caressed her cheek. "I will hold you for as long as you want." He kissed her lips. "And I will do whatever you want me to in order to make you feel better. You just want me to hold you? All night. You want to take a bath together? Always. You want to get your head off of all of it and help me study? Anything you want baby. Whatever your heart desires."

She smiled. "You're making me feel a little less anxious about all this," she rested her head on his chest. "I love you, Trevor. And that will never change."

He caressed her cheek, down to her chest. "Come outside with me."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "We're naked and it's almost sunset."

Trevor kissed her. "We've been here almost a week and we have yet to make love under the stars. We can start with a little make out session and foreplay as the sun sets. What do you say?"

She smiled. "On the balcony, so there's no chance of us getting eaten by bears." She moaned, feeling him kiss her neck.

He kissed up to her ear, biting gently on the lobe. "The only one eating you is going to be me."

Olivia arched her back, her eyes rolling back in her head. "God, just the thought has me so wet, baby." She ran her hands over his arms. "Because I know exactly what your tongue can do, and it makes me shiver."

Trevor grinned. "Come on, let me take care of you," he whispered.

She pushed up on his chest and sat up, standing up and taking Trevor's hand. "Let's go have some fun." They walked outside and Trevor stood behind her, kissing her neck. "Oh, baby," she whispered.

He let his hands roam over her body, hearing her moan. "You're so sexy, I want you so bad."

Olivia turned in his arms and felt him walk her backwards towards the lounge chair, she sat down and spread her legs, seeing him get on his knees. "Please, Trev," she gasped and arched her back.

Trevor smirked. "How about I fuck you with my fingers, and my tongue, then put my throbbing cock in your soaking wet pussy?"

She pulled him up and kissed him passionately. "Don't tease, I want you so bad. I need you, baby please" she begged. He had her so worked up she didn't care about sounding desperate.

He kissed her inner thighs and pulled her towards him, looking up at her. "God, I love you," he whispered.

Olivia arched her back. "I lo— Oh my God!" She felt his lips and tongue move to cover her clit, his tongue pushing inside of her. "Trevor!" She gripped his hair, grinding her hips into his face. "Fuck!"

Trevor smirked and looked up at her. "You taste so good, baby. You are all I want for the rest of my life."

She was panting. "I love you, Trevor. I'm so close. Let me come baby. Please, God, let me come!" She felt his lips around her clit again and she cried out in pleasure. "Jesus! Fuck me!"

He brought her down slowly and kissed up to her lips. "I love making you come, getting to taste you."

Olivia bit her bottom lip. "Switch places with me," she ran her hands over his chest. "I want to ride you," she smirked as they switched places. She straddled him and slowly sank onto him, her mouth falling open. "Oh."

Trevor groaned and held her hips. "God, Liv."

She smiled and took a moment for them both to catch their breath. She leaned in and kissed him slowly. "How do you want it? Slow and gentle? Or fast and hard?"

He groaned. "However you want it, baby. But you need to move. I'm right there, let me feel you, baby."

Olivia nodded and started to ride him, starting out slow but picking up the pace, holding him tight. "Oh, my God, Trevor! Oh, right there baby. Just like that!" She arched her back. "Come with me baby. God, I need it."

Trevor groaned. "Oh, Liv," he tightened his grip on her hips as they both hit climax together. "Fuck!"

She rode out her orgasm and collapsed on top of him. "Holy shit," she panted and closed her eyes. "You're amazing," she whispered.

He rubbed her back. "That's you, baby," he whispered and kissed the top of her head. "We should head back inside so we don't get eaten alive by mosquitos."

Olivia smiled. "I either need a minute or you need to carry me, because my legs are still all tingly."

Trevor smiled. "I'll carry you." He held her and kissed her temple, smacking her ass.

She gasped. "What was that for?" She let a grin spread over her face.

He smiled. "There was a mosquito, but I think I got it before it could bite you." He rubbed where he'd slapped her ass and he kissed her.

Olivia smiled. "Mm, then I suppose you should get me inside so you don't have to keep spanking me," she whispered and giggled as he stood up with her. She felt him lay her on the bed and climb on top of her. "I love you, Trevor."

Trevor kissed her lips softly. "I love you, too." He kissed down her neck, to her chest, kissing over her heart. "I can't believe I get to tell you I love you every day, that I get to kiss your lips, that I get to make love to you," he whispered and looked into her eyes. "That I get to look into your eyes and see nothing but love staring back at me."

She smiled and caressed his face. "Believe it, baby. Because I'm yours. Forever."

He kissed every inch of skin on her body and her back arched as he made his way over her body. "I don't worship you enough."

Olivia let out a breathy moan. "Oh, Trevor. That feels so good." She smiled and closed her eyes, feeling his lips roam her body, slowly, tantalizing.

Trevor smiled. "Relax," he whispered. "Feel every ounce of pleasure as I worship every single inch of your body for the rest of the night."

She gasped. "I hate to break it to you but if you keep this up, I'm going to need an orgasm before sunrise."

He smirked. "Oh, trust me baby, you'll be having more than one orgasm before the sun comes up. Plenty of orgasms."

Olivia felt his fingers lightly run over her legs and abdomen. "You're getting me all worked up, Trev." She gasped, feeling his fingers and lips get close to where she desperately wanted them, but not hitting the one spot she needed him to hit. "You're teasing me." Her voice was high pitched, whiney, and had an edge of frustration to it.

Trevor chuckled. "You want me to make you come again? Already? I'm not even halfway done. I need to worship your whole body, not just the front of it."

She let her eyes close. "Trevor, please!" She begged. "Make me come. I need you. Let me come baby."

He kissed her inner thighs, moving closer to where he knew she wanted him. He kissed lightly over her outer lips and he heard her sigh. "You're breathtaking, Olivia Benson." He let his tongue run through her folds and he heard her gasp and saw her back arch. "So good," he whispered, moving slowly, taking his time to bring her to the highest heights of glorious orgasm.

Olivia felt the pure ecstasy running through her veins. It was enough to bring tears to her eyes, he was slow and gentle, but when she finally reached orgasm it was one of the most powerful she'd ever had. Her moans weren't loud, and when the pure pleasure took over her body, her mouth fell open in a silent scream, her back arching off the bed. She felt him still going and she whimpered. "Tr— I— oh my God!" She cried out as another orgasm ripped through her body, her juices covering his chin as they rushed from her body in torrents. She fell back against the bed, panting, pulling him up and smiling. "Oh…" and then the realization hit her and she gasped. "Oh my God! Trevor, what was that? What just happened?" Her embarrassment was written all over her face.

Trevor caressed her face. "You had an earth shattering orgasm, you came hard, that's all."

She bit her bottom lip. "Then why is the bed wet?" Tears of embarrassment threatened to spill from her eyes. "Did I— what is that?"

He held her. "Hey, look at me." He saw her eyes meet his. "Don't be embarrassed. You squirted, that's all."

Olivia furrowed her brow. "S— squirted? What—?"

Trevor ran his hand over her side. "Female ejaculation."

She looked at him in disbelief. "That's actually a thing? I thought it was just something in porn."

He smiled. "It's actually a thing. When you're aroused, when you're fully aroused, it's something that can happen. I find it incredibly sexy. Especially knowing that I'm the one that made you hit that incredible high," he whispered.

Olivia looked at him. "You mean it?"

Trevor nodded. "I do. Now, let's take a shower, change the sheets, and we can do whatever you want."

She smiled. "That orgasm took a lot out of me, I'm pretty tired."

He kissed her lips softly. "Then we shower, change the sheets, and get some sleep."

Olivia smiled. "Mm. Perfect."

Trevor kissed her temple. "Just like you, beautiful."

She took his hand. "I'm far from it. But you, Trevor Langan, make everything perfect. You make me feel perfect."

He kissed her forehead. "Good, because you are." He kissed her lips once more. "Let's go shower, angel. Clean up, and then I'll hold you while you sleep."

**A/N: Next chapter we get into some pretty serious angst as Olivia starts The Academy, and Trevor starts law school. How will they handle it? You'll have to read to find out. Leave a review, here or on Twitter (couricshargitay). **


	10. Academy

**I just keep getting plot bunnies for this story. It gets juicier next chapter. Hang in there folks. **

Olivia was curled up next to Trevor, sleeping soundly. Her alarm went off at 3:30 in the morning and she groaned. "Not yet," she stirred and turned her alarm off. "Not yet," she held him close.

Trevor rubbed her back. "It's going to be okay. I promise you."

She cried into his chest. "I'm not ready." She shook her head as he soothed her. "I need more time."

He helped her sit up and he held her. "We have forever, baby. But today is the day. Today is the day for you to go and become the best police officer NYPD has ever seen. I don't want you to go either, but I know how much good you're going to do."

Olivia took a deep breath and she nodded. "Okay. Okay, I need to get dressed and I need to go." She got out of bed and got dressed, looking in her suitcase to make sure she had everything. She watched Trevor get you and saw him walk over to her, holding a couple t-shirts. "What's this?"

Trevor smiled. "I can't be there to hold you, to comfort you when you need it, my shirts are the closest I can get to being there. Maybe they'll help."

She smiled and put them in her bag, tears welling up in her eyes. "I love you so much," she whispered. She fell into his arms and buried her head in his neck, crying. "Maybe I just wait for the next one, so I have more time to prepare."

He wiped her eyes and looked into her eyes. "As much as I'd love that, I can't let you do that. Because if you do, you'll feel like this again, and you're not going to want to go. I love you too much to take away your potential."

Olivia nodded. "You're right. I gotta get going, I'll be back as soon as I can." She hugged him tight and kissed him passionately, tears slipping from her eyes. She pulled away and looked into his eyes. "I love you, Trevor Langan." She picked up her bag and wiped her eyes. "I gotta go, before I get lost in your kiss and wind up on the bed making love to you and I'd be late and have to run twenty extra laps or something crazy." She took his hand. "I'll see you soon, okay," she whispered, tears streaming down her face. She swallowed hard and started to walk towards the door.

Trevor looked at her. "Liv?" He saw her turn around. "You're going to be great. And I love you, too. Be safe."

She smiled gently. "I will be. I promise." She swallowed hard once more. "Goodbye, Love," and with that she left, hailing a cab to bring her to the academy. She checked in, put her things in her bunk and unpacked a little, putting her ring on a chain around her neck, holding it, closing her eyes, taking deep breaths. After a few minutes she got up and reported for PT. She pushed through the emotional pain, ran it out, and made sure her pushups and pull-ups and every other exercise they had her do were more than up to par. She went back to her bunk, showered and put on her uniform and shuffled off to class. Her days remained like this, ending in her passed out by ten, until Friday, when they told all the cadets they could go home for the weekend. Within 5 minutes she was back in a cab to the apartment she shared with Trevor, letting herself in with her key.

She walked into the bedroom and shed her clothes, running herself a bath and sinking into the tub. She closed her eyes for just a moment and drifted off. The next thing she knew she felt lips on hers, familiar lips. She kissed back and opened her eyes to see Trevor. "Hi," she whispered.

He brushed her hair out of her face. "What are you doing home? Not that I don't love the surprise."

Olivia smiled. "They sent us home for the weekend. I'm all yours," she whispered, her eyes barely open.

Trevor smiled. "How about we get you out of this tub,

and I bring you to bed and hold you. You look exhausted.

She nodded. "Exhausted, sore," she stood up and winced, every muscle in her body aching. "I've been giving my all to PT for the past five days, I think my muscles are on fire. Muscles I didn't know I had."

He helped her out of the tub, wrapping her in a towel. "Come on beautiful, let's go relax," he whispered and picked her up, carrying her to bed. "I just want to hold you," he murmured in her hair, holding her tight, never wanting to let go.

Olivia smiled and relished in the feeling of being in his arms. "I've missed this," she whispered, exhaustion evident in her voice.

Trevor kissed the back of her head and wrapped the blankets around them both. "Sleep, my love," he soothed. Within moments she was sleeping peacefully in his arms. He closed his eyes and he, too, fell into a peaceful sleep, the love of his life safely in his arms.

She woke up a few hours later and turned to face him, caressing his face. She ran her fingers lightly over his lips. He stirred and opened his eyes. "I didn't mean to wake you," she kissed his lips gently.

He smiled and broke the kiss softly. "Have you eaten?" He asked softly. "I can make us something, we can order in, whatever you want."

Olivia smiled, feeling his hand run over her side. She winced when he hit the bruise on her side by her hip. "Whatever I want, hmm?"

Trevor looked at her. "Liv," he moved the blankets and looked at her body, littered with bruises. "Baby, what happened?"

She took a deep breath. "PT, I fell a time or two, got up and kept going," she looked at his chest. "I'm alright."

He lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes. "What did you fall on to get this?" He asked, lightly running over the bruise on her hip.

Olivia's bottom lip trembled. "I may have gotten in the middle of a fight between a couple of my bunk mates," she said softly. "I tried to break it up, I wound up getting a few bruises. It's not anything I haven't felt before."

Trevor pulled her close. "Oh, baby," he whispered. "I'm sorry," he rubbed her back.

She shrugged. "I learned not to get in between people when they fight. At least not there." She caressed his face. "I'm okay." She kissed him. "We should eat, I need some Advil or something, my body just aches."

He nodded. "How about I whip up some spaghetti? Quick and easy, we can go elaborate tomorrow, either order in or I'll make something fancy." He kissed her forehead. "Then you can take some Advil and I'll give you a massage."

Olivia grinned. "You just want to touch my naked body," she giggled. "Spaghetti sounds great." She kissed him slowly. "But instead of a massage, how about you give me an orgasm? Endorphins are an amazing painkiller. That on top of Advil, I'll feel back to a hundred percent in no time."

Trevor kissed her passionately. "If you're up for it, I will do whatever you want me to do to give you a glorious orgasm."

She smiled and held him tight, kissing him and running her hands down his back. "I want to feel you," she whispered against his lips. I want you buried inside me, making me come over and over," she looked into his eyes. "After…" she kissed him again and moaned as he kissed down to her neck. "After we have dinner," she arched into him. "I've had nothing but preheated food that they give us at meal times, and I really want some of your amazing spaghetti."

He smiled and gently nipped at her earlobe. "As long as you'll be my dessert, you can have whatever you want for dinner."

Olivia smirked. "I will always be your dessert," she kissed him. "Now, let's go eat." She felt him get off her and she got up and looked at him. "Let me put on some clothes."

It was then that Trevor got a good look at the bruises all over her body. "Liv," he whispered. "Liv, these aren't falls. This isn't accidentally getting kicked. Someone deliberately hurt you."

She shrugged. "And I don't fight back, I don't rat on them because that thin blue line? That starts now. If I turn them in for beating on me I might as well be turning them into Internal Affairs. And sure they'd get kicked out. But the rest of my class, if they didn't start beating on me too, they wouldn't have my six, they couldn't trust me. So I take it and I keep my mouth shut, just like I did as a kid. I'm not… I'm not going to let them win. I'm not going to give up on this over a few months of mistreatment." She shook her head and shrugged. "It's not worth it, Trevor. I'd be giving up all I plan on doing in my career. I can't do that."

He wrapped her in his arms. "Okay, okay. I just, I hate seeing you hurt." He rubbed her back. "You must be freezing, let's get some clothes on you, and go have some dinner. And we can do whatever you want after we eat, okay?"

Olivia nodded. "Okay," she took his hands. "Look, it was probably first week hazing stuff. On the bright side, they didn't touch my face. No ugly bruises." She looked down at her body. "Okay, not on my face anyway."

Trevor caressed her face. "You're breathtaking. Even a bruise wouldn't take away any of your beauty. Nothing could."

She smiled and slipped into one of his shirts and looked up at him. "Make me dinner before I undress you and have my way with you."

He dipped her and kissed her passionately. She moaned and he smirked against her lips. "Not that I'd complain," he whispered and stood her up, taking her hand. "Spaghetti, coming right up."

Olivia walked into the kitchen with him, sitting at the island, watching him cook, her legs crossed. "Do we have any red wine? I don't have to report back tomorrow, we can get a little tipsy with dinner."

Trevor smiled and nodded over to the cabinet where they kept the alcohol. "We have a Pinot Noir with a good vintage in the cabinet," he saw her walk over and he kissed her lips gently.

She smiled and took the bottle out of the cabinet, and opened it to let it breathe. She got out a couple of glasses and sauntered over to him, kissing his shoulder. "You're so sexy when you cook. When you take care of me," she bit her bottom lip.

He looked over at her and kissed her lips quickly. "I wouldn't want to do anything but," he whispered. "I love you immensely, Olivia."

Olivia smiled and wrapped her arms around him, watching him cook. "I love you more than words Trevor," she whispered.

Trevor stirred the sauce and tested the noodles to see if they were ready. "Mm, pour us some wine, I'll serve, dinner is ready."

She smiled and poured them both a glass of wine and carried them to the table, returning to bring the bottle to the table as well. She sat down and smiled when he put her plate in front of her. She leaned up and kissed him. "This looks delicious."

He sat next to her and smiled. "It's nothing special. It's sauce out of a jar and some boiled spaghetti."

Olivia rested her hand on his knee. "Trevor, I don't care if it's sauce out of a jar. It could be ketchup and I wouldn't care. I don't think you understand quite how bad the food is there."

Trevor rested his hand on top of hers. "I wouldn't give you spaghetti with ketchup on it," he kissed her forehead. "Eat up."

She smiled and took a few bites. "Oh my God, this is amazing."

He kissed her knuckles. "I'm glad," he gave her back her hand and they ate their dinner and drank their wine.

Once dinner was cleaned up she led him to the living room and pushed him down on the couch, straddling him. "You know, when I was a kid, barely old enough to use the stove, I used to make myself spaghetti, only we never had spaghetti sauce, so I used ketchup." She rested her forehead against his and laughed. "I hated it, so I never made it again, once I learned how to make Mac and cheese and grilled cheese. It took me years to eat spaghetti again."

Trevor held her hips. "You're incredible, you know that?" He kissed her passionately.

She smiled into the kiss and moaned. She broke the kiss and felt him take the shirt she wore off over her head, kissing her neck and her chest. "Oh, fuck," she panted.

He kissed up to her lips and smiled, laying her down, settling between her legs. "Here? Or would you rather I make love to you in our bed?"

Olivia smiled. "Take me to bed. Make love to me, make me come baby. I need you so bad."

Trevor picked her up and carried her to their bedroom and lay her down, undressing himself. He heard her moan as her eyes raked over his body. "My tounge, my fingers, or my cock?"

**A/N: The plot for the next chapter has been rolling around in my head all day, but I'm thinking you won't like it. But reviews are nice. Leave one, here or on Twitter (couricshargitay). **


	11. Hurt

**You may want some Kleenex for this chapter. It's a doozy. **

Olivia fell back onto the bed, panting. "Oh my God," she closed her eyes. "That was amazing, this whole weekend has been amazing." She kissed his chest and looked up at him. "But I do need to head back soon. I have some reading and studying to do."

Trevor held her tight. "If you get beat up again, if it's not just first week hazing, will you please tell one of the officers who is training you?"

She sighed and rested her head on his chest. "I can't, Trevor. The rest of my time there would be hell."

He rubbed her back. "It's already going to be hell if you're getting hurt."

Olivia nodded. "Only I can handle that hell. I've handled it my whole life. I need to be trusted, I need to show that I have their six so they'll have mine."

Trevor took a deep breath. "Just promise me you'll be alright."

She moved and kissed him gently. "I'll be okay," she whispered. "I promise."

He kissed her forehead. "I'm going to miss you."

Olivia gently nipped at his bottom lip. "I'm going to miss you, too." She kissed his chest. "I'm going to leave my ring here. I don't want anyone to rip it off my neck, just in case things stay the way they were." She looked at him. "It means so much to me, and I don't want to lose it. Would you be mad?"

Trevor caressed her face. "At you? Never." He kissed her and held her tight. "I won't be mad that you don't want to lose your ring. As long as you know that I love you more than anything in the world."

She smiled. "Mm, good. Because I love you just as much," she whispered and kissed him. "Let me get dressed, then I need to head out." She tilted his chin up. "You are an amazing man, Trevor Langan. And I love you so much," she whispered and kissed him again. She got up and got dressed, kissing him again. "I'll see you soon," she whispered.

He caressed her face. "I can't wait." He watched her leave and heard the door close behind her as she left the apartment. He looked at the time and picked up the cordless phone, taking a deep breath, making the call that could royally piss her off, but he knew it was for the best. "Hi, yes I'd like to make an anonymous report to you about some of your recruits. I don't have names. They're bunk mates with Olivia Benson. They're engaging in hazing behavior."

By the time Olivia got back to campus her bunk mates had been called in for questioning. She lay in her bunk and closed her eyes, falling asleep. She was woken up early the next morning by being pulled out of bed, being punched and kicked. It went on for so long she lost consciousness. When their training officer came in to find out why everyone wasn't down at PT, they walked in to an unconscious Olivia being beaten. Olivia was taken to the hospital, Trevor was called because he was her emergency contact, and the offending recruits were expelled from the Academy immediately and were arrested on assault and attempted murder charges. Olivia was taken into an MRI and CT to see the full extent of her injuries and they found that she had a brain bleed, her spleen was bleeding, she had a broken wrist and a sprained ankle. They rushed her into surgery and stopped the bleeding in her brain and got her spleen to stop bleeding without needing to remove it. She was put into the ICU, still intubated, and unconscious. The doctors weren't sure she'd wake up.

Trevor sat next to her bedside and held her hand, his forehead resting on their joined hands. "I can't lose you," he whispered, tears streaming down his face. "Please wake up," he begged. He saw the nurse come in, hearing her tell him that he had to leave. "I'm not leaving. I'm all she has," he whispered and looked at her. "I'm all she has," he cried and kissed her knuckles. "Wake up and come back to me," he whispered. The nurse checked her vitals and a few moments later her eyes fluttered open, she started to fight the intubation and the nurse got her to calm down, paged one of her surgeons, and they got the tube out and she coughed. "Baby," he whispered.

She looked around, closing her eyes, taking a deep breath. "What happened?" Her voice was raspy and her throat was dry.

The doctor gave her a small smile. "You were assaulted. When you came in you were unconscious, you had some bleeding in your brain, and you had a laceration on your spleen. You have a broken wrist and a sprained ankle. We went in and stopped the bleeding in your brain and fixed your spleen, casted your wrist and splinted you're ankle."

Olivia turned to look at Trevor. "What did you do?"

Trevor looked at her. "Liv, this wasn't me."

Olivia shook her head. "I know who it was. It was my bunk mates at the Academy, but the only reason it would have escalated to this was if someone ratted on them. What. Did. You. Do?"

Trevor let out a breath. "I had to tell your superiors. I couldn't just let you go back to being beaten for another week."

Olivia let out a breath and closed her eyes. "Well, now I can't go back to the Academy."

The doctor looked at them. "I'll give you two some privacy."

Trevor looked at her. "You won't be able to go back right away. I know that, and I'm sorry. But you will be able to go back. Once you're healed and you do some physical and possibly some occupational therapy, you will be able to go back. I called because I knew you wouldn't tell them. Because I knew it wasn't going to stop. I hate that they hurt you worse, but I did what I thought was best."

She sighed. "I don't need you to coddle me, Trevor. I was handling it."

He looked at her. "No, Liv, you weren't. You were taking it. You weren't ever going to tell anyone. This isn't like your mom. I'm not coddling you, I know you can take care of yourself. You're the single strongest person I know. But if I stood by and let them beat you, what kind of boyfriend would I be? And who's to say that they wouldn't have escalated to this eventually anyway."

Olivia took his hand. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm angry. At them. At me. I shouldn't take it out on you."

Trevor kissed her knuckles. "I'm just glad you woke up," he looked at her face. "You know, I was right."

She looked at him. "About what?"

He kissed her forehead. "That a bruise wouldn't take away any of your beauty." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry this happened, Liv. I'm sorry it happened because of a choice I made."

Olivia smiled gently. "I'm really sorry that I got mad at you. Forgive me?"

Trevor kissed her lips softly. "Of course I forgive you."

Olivia kept her eyes closed for a moment after the kiss. "I want go home," she said softly. "I hate hospitals."

Trevor smiled. "I know, baby. I know. But you just had major surgery. I'm thinking you're going to be here for a few days."

She looked up at him. "I just want to go home so you can hold me." She took his hand. "I'm scared, Trev. Last time I was in the hospital… it was the miscarriage, and I was only here overnight as a precaution because they had to transfuse."

He gently used caressed her face. "I'm going to be right here next to you until the moment you're discharged."

Olivia smiled. "I don't know that you can, they'll probably kick you out."

Trevor sat back in the chair. "They've tried. I won't leave. I'm very persistent."

She let out a small chuckle, wincing. "I remember. You wouldn't let the fact that I didn't want to give you my name, or that I wanted it to be one night. But I'm so glad it was more than one night, that I told you my name. I'm so glad we fell in love."

He took her ring out of his pocket. "I brought this. Your left wrist and hand are a bit swollen, but I can put it back on your finger, if you want it."

Olivia smiled and nodded. "I do, I want it on my finger." She felt a tear fall from her eye, and felt him gently wipe it away before he slipped her ring onto her finger. She closed her eyes and let out a breath. "I felt so naked and vulnerable without it. Thank you for bringing it, Trevor."

Trevor smiled and threaded their fingers together. "Anything for you, my love." He kissed her knuckles. "I want you by my side for the rest of our lives."

She turned her head to face him. "Good thing I'm not going anywhere." She felt him kiss her and she kissed him back, caressing his face, pulling away and let out a breath. "We need to be home because where that was headed—"

He smiled. "You just has major surgery, you had brain surgery, we need to give you time to heal. And once you're decently healed up, and the doctor gives us the all clear, I swear I will give you the best orgasms you've ever had."

Olivia looked into his eyes. "You already give me the best orgasms. You're the only one who gives me orgasms." She kissed his knuckles. "Even if we can't have sex, I want to be home, in our bed, with you holding me."

Trevor couldn't tear his eyes away from hers. "Soon. But I'm right here, right next to you. As soon as they send you home I'll do everything I can to take care of you. I'll hold you all day, I'll make us every meal."

She gave a soft smile. "Trevor you start law school in a couple of weeks. I'll be able to move around a bit by then."

He kissed her softly. "Well, then until I start law school I'll do whatever I can, okay?"

Olivia caressed his face. "Okay." She closed her eyes. "I'm so tired. Everything hurts." She groaned and hit the nurse call button.

Trevor sat on the chair next to the bed and kissed her hand. "I'm right here, just squeeze my hand, baby."

She saw the nurse walk in. "I'm in so much pain, can I please have something for the pain? Everything hurts."

The nurse smiled. "I'll get you some morphine. It'll probably knock you out for a while." She turned and looked at Trevor. "You may want to go home and get some rest."

Trevor looked at the nurse. "I'm fine here. I'm not going anywhere. I promised her that I'd be here until you discharge her."

The nurse nodded. "As long as she's taking it easy and getting rest, no one will make too big of a fuss about it. I'll be back with the morphine."

Olivia looked at Trevor after the nurse left. "You can go home and get some rest if you want. The morphine is going to have me asleep for quite a bit. I don't mind. Really."

Trevor moved the chair closer to her. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll sleep here. Maybe they'll take pity on me and give me a cot. Or a couch. Something. But even if they don't… Liv I'm not going anywhere."

She caressed his face. "You're a good man, Trevor Langan." She looked at the bed. "You may even be able to sleep in bed with me, holding me. It's big enough."

He smiled. "They may not like that too much."

Olivia traced his lips with her finger, and he kissed the pad of her finger. "Maybe not, but I have a feeling sleep isn't going to come easily." She gently stroked his hair. "Unless I'm in your arms." She smiled at him. "I got the crap kicked out of me, I don't feel very safe right now. But the safest place I know is your arms."

The nurse walked back in at the tail end of the conversation, waiting until they were done to hang the bag of morphine. She looked at them. "As long as she gets her rest, you can hold her." She nodded. "But she needs to rest. This doesn't happen often, but since I'm the head nurse here for the ICU, I get to make the rules. You can hold her."

Trevor smiled. "Thank you," he watched the nurse give her a button so she could dispense the morphine on her own. "It means a lot."

Olivia moved over in the bed with the help of the nurse and she patted the bed next to her. "Come hold me." She felt Trevor climb into the bed and hold her. "Mm," she closed her eyes. "This is bliss."

The nurse looked up at her heart rate, she calmed down the moment Trevor started to hold her. "I'll be back in a little while to check your vitals. Don't be afraid to use that morphine, I can still check them even if you're asleep." She smiled and walked out of the room.

Trevor kissed her temple. "I love you, Olivia. So much."

She snuggled into him. "I love you, too." She closed her eyes. "I'm going to push the button for some morphine. I'm hurting quite a bit. I'll probably be asleep for a while. Stay with me," she gripped his shirt. "I need you here."

He held her hand and smiled. "I'm going to be right here. The whole time, I promise."

Olivia pushed the button that have her morphine and within minutes she felt it take away the pain and she fell into a peaceful sleep.

Trevor kissed her temple. "I'm so sorry, baby." He closed his eyes and fell asleep with her.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Next update to this or something will be shortly. I have a paper to write. Leave a review, here or on Twitter (couricshargitay). **


	12. Feel

**It's been a painful week, and now that it's over, here's chapter 12. And yes, I did research about healing time after brain and abdominal surgery.**

It had been a week since Olivia was attacked, and they'd finally discharged her. She'd been up and walking slowly, gently for a few days. She limped into the apartment and he helped her into the bedroom. "Thank you, love," she said and propped her foot up.

Trevor sat next to her and caressed her face. "I am so glad that you're home." He kissed her softly and she rested her hand on his cheek. He heard her moan and he pulled away. "Soon." He looked into her eyes. "I promise."

She groaned and lay back on the pillows. "I haven't been touched in over a week. I'm losing my mind, Trevor." She closed her eyes. "I just want to feel something other than pain, Trev. That's all."

He lay next to her and held her. "Liv, I know it's frustrating not to be with one another the way we want. I get it, and I will do anything I can to get you to feel something other than pain. I promise. Even if I can only do it by kissing you." He placed a kiss on her neck. "When we can have sex again? I promise you I will make it perfect."

Olivia looked at him and rolled on her side. "It's always perfect, Trevor." She kissed his lips softly. "And this, you holding me, helps me feel something other than pain. It makes me feel loved, and that love is so much more powerful than pain."

Trevor held her and she tucked her head under his chin. "I love you, Olivia. And I'm so sorry that what I did trying to protect you got you hurt."

She kissed his chest. "Thank you for trying to protect me, even when I wasn't protecting myself. I love you so much, and I'm used to just having to take the abuse. I was conditioned that way. I knew I could go to any of the training officers, and I know they'd have made sure I was safe from retribution, but that's not what I know how to do. I have— I had trouble relying on other people. Until you. I know I can rely on you."

He kissed her softly, slowly. She melted into him. His hand ran over her side, down to her ass. She broke the kiss and let out a breath. He grinned. "Let me help you feel, Olivia," he whispered.

Olivia nodded and kept her eyes closed. "Please," she whispered back, gripping his shirt. He kissed her again and she moaned softly, feeling his hand roam her body. He massaged her breast and she broke the kiss and gasped. "Oh," she smiled.

Trevor looked at her and rolled her onto her back. She giggled and pulled him in for another kiss as he used both his hands to explore her body, relearning as they moved. He kissed down to her neck, her chest and he looked at her. "You're so beautiful." He ran his hands under her shirt and she sighed. "Liv, how far are you comfortable going right now?"

She pulled him up to her lips and kissed him. "My body is still pretty bruised, swollen. It doesn't hurt, it just… it may not be the sexiest to look at." She took a deep breath and turned her face, closing her eyes, keeping her emotions under control. "And I know it won't matter to you, but if I were to look down and see bruising and swelling and my incision… I wouldn't feel sexy and—"

He kissed her slowly. "Hey, we don't have to have sex right now. And you're right, bruises and swelling, baby you'd still be the sexiest woman I've ever seen. But if you need more time, we take more time, okay?"

Olivia caressed his face. "I don't deserve you." She felt tears well up in her eyes. "You are an incredible man, and I don't deserve you."

Trevor looked into her eyes and kissed away the tears that fell from her eyes. "I'm the one who doesn't deserve you." He rested his forehead on hers. "Tell me what you want, baby. Anything you want."

She looked at him and shook her head. "When we got to the cabin at Lake George, I told you the same thing, naked in the kitchen, that I'd do whatever you wanted. And you said, 'it's not about me, Olivia. It's not about what gets me off, you're more than a means to an end to me.' Trevor, it's not not about me, not about what gets me off. You're more than a means to an end for me."

He caressed her face. "You are an incredible woman, and I love you more than anything in this world." He kissed down her body and spread her legs slightly. "Is this what you want, and how much? Clothes on or off?"

Olivia smiled. "Shirt stays on, but the pants and panties can come off. If… if you want to touch me or—" she felt him slowly take off her pants and her panties and she moaned softly, feeling his breath on her clit. "Oh, yeah," she closed her eyes and smiled.

Trevor smiled. "You intoxicate me," he whispered. "Let me help you come?" He looked up at her. "I want you to feel, Liv. Let me help."

She let out a cry of want, need. "Please, Trevor. Help me feel. Make me feel. I need you so badly baby. Please," she begged.

He smiled and lightly let his tongue run through her folds, his hands lightly grazing her inner thighs. "It's been too long," he whispered before moving in and starting to suck her clit.

Olivia's mouth opened as she gripped his hair. "Jesus, fuck me." She used her other hand to grip the sheets. "Oh, my God, yes!"

Trevor smirked and looked up at her, her head thrown back in ecstasy, her moans getting louder and louder, her cries getting closer and closer together. "That's it, beautiful. Come for me baby. Feel it. Feel all of it."

She pushed her hips into his face. "Baby!" She cried as her orgasm wracked her body.

He smiled and gently brought her down, kissing back up to her lips. "I love you so much," he whispered and caressed her face, gently touching the small cut above her left eye, now healing. "You are so beautiful. You're so sexy."

Olivia looked up at him. "You think so? Still?" She asked, her voice shaking slightly.

Trevor climbed off of her and held her, looking into her eyes. "I'll always think that," he whispered and wiped the tear that fell from her eye. "Baby, no matter what, you are beautiful and sexy. You always have been and you always will be."

She tucked her head under his chin. "I just want to feel sexy again. I want the bruises to go away so I can look in the mirror and feel sexy enough for you."

He rubbed her back. "I know, but you will always be sexy enough. Even if you grew an extra arm," he whispered. "An extra eye, hell a whole extra head."

Olivia smiled and took his hand, looking up at him. "Well, I don't think I'm growing an extra anything any time soon." She bit her bottom lip and she sat up and took a deep breath, taking her shirt off over her head. She lay back down and saw him looking at her body and she closed her eyes, sitting back up and grabbing her shirt.

Trevor sat up and rested his hand on hers. "Hey," he whispered. "You're stunning," he whispered and pulled her close. "Beautiful, sexy, just like I said."

She looked at him. "When you looked and didn't say anything—"

He kissed her head. "I was looking at you and thinking how lucky I am that the most beautiful woman in the world is my girlfriend, has my ring on her finger and is laying next to me in bed."

Olivia blushed. "You know, you're a tad overdressed don't you think?" She caressed his face.

Trevor smiled and climbed out of bed, undressing, feeling her eyes on him. He climbed back into bed and lay next to her. "So much more comfortable this way," he whispered.

She moved closer. "Mm," she kissed him slowly, rolling him into his back, straddling his hips. "God you're so sexy," she whispered. "I need you," she started grinding her hips into his. "God, please," she begged.

He rested his hands on her hips. "Jesus, Liv." He groaned. "God you're so sexy." He moved one hand to the back of her head, pulling her lips to his in a passionate kiss. "Ride me, baby," he whispered against her lips.

Olivia smiled and maneuvered herself so she slipped over him. She broke the kiss and let out a moan. "Oh my God!" She started riding him fast and hard. "Baby! Fuck," her back arched and she gasped as he maneuvered them so he was sitting up. "Oh yes!" She felt his lips on her neck and her chest. "Trevor, oh!"

Trevor looked into her eyes. "That's it baby. Come on Liv."

She shook her head. "Not without you," she whispered, breathless. "I need to feel you," she kissed his lips, feeling his fingers move to her clit. She whimpered and broke the kiss. "Come with me, Trev. God, please."

He groaned and held her hips, stilling her, pounding up into her and she wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight. "Ah, yeah, Liv."

Olivia felt his release inside her, which caused her muscles to clench down around him and she moaned, her orgasm taking over her body, leaving her shaking. "Oh, Trevor," she whispered. "God that was so good. I needed that so badly."

Trevor smiled and rubbed her back. "It is always amazing when it's the two of us," he whispered. "I love you, Olivia. So much."

She looked into his eyes. "I love you, too, Trevor." She caressed his cheek. "More than words." She nuzzled into him. "Mm, as much fun as that was, I'm exhausted and my head hurts."

He smiled. "Lay down, let's climb under the covers. I'll hold you."

Olivia climbed off of him, letting out a sigh at the loss of fullness when he slipped out of her. She climbed under the covers and felt him stroke her arm. "Can you get me a pain pill? I'm due for another and I want to get ahead of the pain so I can get some sleep." She took his hand and looked up at him.

Trevor kissed her softly. "Of course. I'll bring you something to eat and some water. I've got you baby."

She closed her eyes and smiled. "You take such good care of me." She watched him walk out and come back a few minutes later. She sat up and gave him a chaste kiss, seeing the sandwich he made her. "I love you, Trevor." She bit her bottom lip and looked into his eyes. "You're so good to me."

He smiled and kissed her temple. "I just want to take care of you the way you deserve to be taken care of. The sandwich okay?"

Olivia looked at him. "Trevor, it's wonderful." She smiled and finished the sandwich, taking a swig of water before taking her pain pill and laying down. "Lay with me. Hold me."

Trevor climbed under the covers and wrapped her in his arms, spooning her. "Get some rest, my love." He kissed the back of her head.

She closed her eyes. "Right back at you. You can finally stretch out, we're under our nice warm blankets, and we don't have to worry about being woken up every hour or two so they can check my vitals." She held his hand and squeezed. "Sleep," she murmured, the pain medicine kicking in and making her drowsy.

He nuzzled into her and closed his eyes, falling asleep right behind her.

Olivia woke up a few hours later and she rolled over to face him. She kissed his lips, and tucked her head under his chin. "Mm," she smiled, feeling him start to stir.

Trevor looked down at her. "Sleep well?"

She smiled, feeling his hand start to rub her back. "Better than I have in a week," she ran her fingers lightly over his chest. "What about you?"

He kissed her softly. "Getting to sleep with you in my arms, I slept so soundly."

Olivia smiled and kissed him slowly feeling his hands run down her back. "Mm," she pulled away. "Trevor," she whispered and made eye contact with him. "Thank you," she bit her bottom lip. "Thank you for finding me sexy, even though I'm bruised and swollen and so not sexy to anyone else."

Trevor kissed her gently. "You will always be sexy, and anyone who doesn't see that is blind."

She smiled and rested her hand on his chest. "Good thing that you're the only one I want to think I'm sexy," she giggled. "We should get out of bed and be productive."

He rolled her onto her back and kissed her neck. "You're going to stay in bed," he whispered in her ear. "And I'd say making love is rather productive," he bit at her ear lobe. "I'll make us dinner, or I'll order us food, whatever you want."

Olivia moaned and arched her back slightly. "Oh, mm." She closed her eyes. "I want a bath," she groaned. "And I can't take one until these stitches come out." She pouted.

Trevor gently nipped at her bottom lip and kissed her, his tongue slipping past her lips. "I can shower with you, if you want."

She looked at him. "I'm almost too tired to stand up in the shower for more than a few minutes."

He smirked. "And you wanted to be productive," he saw her glare. "You're cute when you try to be mad at me," he kissed her nose. "I could wash you if you wanted."

Olivia caressed his cheek. "You just want to touch my body," she looked at his lips. "I'm inclined to say yes. God, please, yes."

Trevor chuckled. "You are insatiable."

**A/N: Please leave a review. Here or on Twitter (couricshargitay). I'm begging you guys. See you soon with chapter 13. **


	13. Four Months

**Sorry this took so long guys. I came down with the stomach flu and it kicked my ass. I'm still working on getting my energy and motivation back, so enjoy this. Not sure when my next update will be, I have a few things to take care of for school before my semester ends in just 3 weeks.**

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About a month had passed and Trevor had started law school. He was in a study group and one of the members was over and they were studying. Olivia was at her physical therapy appointment, giving Trevor and Jenny time to study. Jenny was conventionally pretty, grew up with money, wanting for nothing. They were sitting at the dining room table and she kept touching his forearm, which Trevor was ignoring. "So the seven torts—"

Jenny cut him off with a kiss. "You're either blind or stupid, I've been making passes at you since classes started." She ripped her shirt open and kissed him again.

Olivia walked in and saw what was going on and she dropped her bags, she'd stopped for groceries on the way home, breaking them apart. "What— What's happening?"

Trevor looked at her. "Liv! Baby," he pushed Jenny off him. "This—"

Olivia put her hand up and walked Jenny up against the wall. "Get out of my house. Now. Or so help me God, that pretty little face is going to be bleeding. Heavily." She watched Jenny scramble out of the apartment and she took a deep breath.

Trevor walked over to her and rested his hand on her shoulder. "Olivia," he sighed.

She jerked away from his touch and turned to glare at him. "Don't touch me," she growled. She ran to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. She rested against it, her breath heavy as tears started to stream down her face. She slid down the door and rested her head back on the wood. "Damn it," she whispered and wiped her eyes.

He put the groceries she'd dropped away and walked to the bedroom and gently knocked on the door. "Liv, baby, talk to me."

Olivia stood up and opened the door, walking over to the bed and looking at him. "You almost had me fooled, Trevor Langan. That whole bit about me having your heart." She looked down at the floor and let out a sob. "I should have known it was all a ruse, it was too good to be true." She wiped her eyes. "And the worst part is you're right. Who could ever love me?"

Trevor walked over to her. "Olivia, what are you saying?"

She looked at him. "Obviously you'd rather be with Tammy, or Ginny or whatever her name was. Just give me a little bit to find somewhere to go and I'll be out of your hair."

He held her shoulders, she tried fighting, tried getting out of his grasp. "Hey, Liv, relax. What you saw wasn't what you thought it was. She's been trying to get with me since classes started, and I ignored every advance. She kissed me, I wanted nothing to do with any of it. She ripped her own shirt open."

Olivia looked up at him. "You don't want to be with her?" She asked, tears in her eyes.

Trevor shook his head. "God, no," he whispered and wrapped her in his arms as she sobbed into his chest. "I'm here. It's okay, baby." He held her tight. "I'm not going anywhere," he whispered and kissed her forehead.

She gripped his shirt and felt him rub her back. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry my mind went to that place, that I thought you didn't love me anymore." She shrugged. "I'm just so used to being everyone's second choice."

He lifted her chin and wiped her eyes. "You're not my second choice. You're my first and only choice. There is no choice, because there's no other woman I want to spend my life with."

Olivia looked up at him. "Oh, Trevor." She wrapped her arms around him. "I love you, baby. So much," she kissed him passionately and pulled him close to her body.

Trevor picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist. "We have a couple of options for what we can do today; we can make love on the bed now, or we could have something to eat and then make love on the dining room table."

She smirked. "Yes, both, all of it. All of you. That's what I want. That is what I'll always want. As long as there is breath in my lungs, and a beat in my heart."

He lay her on the bed and held her hands and looked into her eyes. "You're so beautiful, Olivia. Please don't ever think that I would ever want to be with another woman."

Olivia caressed his face. "I never should have assumed. I know you're not like that. I know you love me, and only me." She smiled. "And I do feel kinda bad about threatening your study buddy. But only kinda." They shared a laugh. "But I don't want my lack of self control to be a problem for you and your studies. I'll apologize if you need me to."

Trevor kissed her lips and down to her neck. "It was insanely sexy. Unless it can cause trouble for you getting back to the academy, don't apologize. I like jealous, angry Liv. Jealous, angry Liv is so goddamn sexy that I just want to throw you against the wall and completely ravish you until the sun comes up tomorrow."

She bit her bottom lip. "Well, you have me in bed. You can ravish me for as long as you like." She pulled him in for another kiss, pushing her hips up to meet his. "I need you," she breathed against his lips.

He bit gently at her lower lip. "Relax," he whispered. "Tonight is a slow burn for both of us. I want you screaming for me," he whispered and started massaging her breast. "I want you coming all night for me."

Olivia's eyes had darkened and she arched her back. "Take off your pants, and we can start." She flipped them and took her shirt off, followed by her bra, grinding her hips into his, moaning.

Trevor looked up at her, captivated. "I can't keep my eyes off you," he whispered. "God I want you."

She rested her hands on either side of his head and she grinned. "You've got me. All of me. Forever," she whispered and leaned down and kissed him. Feeling him roll them back over. They stayed tightly wrapped in each other's arms, rolling around in the sheets, kissing and touching until it became too much. Both finally got their last pieces of clothing off and she broke the kiss. "Fuck me baby, please. I need a release. I'm so fucking close."

He kissed her neck. "Mm, no fucking."

Olivia groaned. "Making love, whatever you want to call it just please," she begged, close to tears. "Get inside me and make me come."

Trevor smiled and kissed her softly, bringing them out of the frenzy and kissed down her neck then up to her ear. "I love you," he whispered before slowly pushing inside of her.

She gasped, arching her back into him, her mouth fell open. "Oh, baby. Oh, my God," she held him close. "Baby, please move. Oh, shit!" Her moans were breathy, feeling him start to move inside her. "Mm, just like that. Don't stop," she kissed him and wrapped herself around him.

He ran his hand over her thigh as he kissed her and moved inside of her with strong, steady strokes, his pubic bone rubbing against her clit as he thrust into her. "Oh, Liv. You feel so good, baby."

Olivia threw her head back and let out a strangled moan. Trevor took the opportunity to kiss her throat. "Trev," she whispered. "Oh, Trevor," she whispered and kissed him again. She was still so close, and he was bringing her closer and closer to the edge she so desperately wanted to fall over, but she was determined not to hit that peak until he did. She clawed at his back and felt his hand massage her breast. "I need you to come, Trevor. I'm so close, but I'm not coming until you do. Please, God I need you to come."

Trevor let out a grunt. "I'm going to change the angle. For both of us. I'm so close." He whispered and stopped his strokes momentarily, lifting her leg to rest on his shoulder. He saw her eyes widen, her back arch, and heard her let out a low, guttural moan. "God, you're sexy." He started to thrust inside her, faster and harder than he was before. His eyes were focused on her, her eyes rolled back and her mouth opened in a silent scream. "That's it beautiful. Come for me. Come around my cock."

She let out a whiny cry as her orgasm took over her body, her walls clamping down around him, her body shaking as ecstasy flooded her body. Her chest flushed and her breath sped up. "Trevor!" She felt his release and she held tight to him as her body shook, her hips jerking involuntarily. Moments later she fully collapsed back against the bed, her hips jerking still with remnants of her orgasm. She felt Trevor on top of her and she let out a breath. "Baby, oh."

He smiled and moved her leg, holding her tight. He felt her body tense and shake with silent sobs. "Hey, what's wrong?" He asked, rolling them onto their sides, rubbing her back in soothing circles.

Olivia shook her head. "Absolutely nothing," she smiled. "That was amazing. So good." She let out a chuckle. "It literally moved me to tears." She wiped her eyes and kissed him softly. "Trevor?"

Trevor smiled and kissed her tears away. "What is it, beautiful?"

She looked into his eyes. "I love you, too." She smiled. "And… Trev, I mean it when I say I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We haven't even been together six months yet, but you, Trevor you're everything I have ever wanted and then some. And I'm so sorry about before. I'm not used to being someone's first choice, someone's one and only. I never have been."

He held her tightly and kissed her forehead. "I know. You reacted to the situation based on things that have happened before. I get it, Liv." He caressed her face. "And I'll be right here while you get used to being someone's one and only, my one and only. Okay?"

Olivia smiled and looked up at him. "Okay," she curled into his chest, closing her eyes. "That wore me out," she chuckled. "Can we take a little nap before we have food and round two? Physical Therapy, all the emotions, and that mind blowing sex have me exhausted."

Trevor smiled. "Whatever you need, whatever you want. Close your eyes, get some rest. I'll be right here holding you when you wake up."

She felt the blankets wrap around them and she let out a small sigh. "I love you, Trevor," she murmured as she slipped into a peaceful sleep, Trevor not far behind her. Throughout their nap, their positions changed so he was spooning her.

He woke up before she did and kissed the back of her head, looking at the alarm clock, thankful that it was Friday so they could sleep now and make love all night and he didn't have to worry about getting up early for class. He wanted to wake her up so they could eat, but she looked so peaceful. He kissed her shoulder and held her to him tightly. "My love," he whispered.

Olivia stirred and rolled over. "Mm," she kissed his chest. "Hi there," she kissed his lips. "What time is it?"

Trevor caressed her face. "It's 5:30," he kissed her lips softly. "I have something for you."

She grinned. "Other than that raging hard-on?" She moved to straddle him.

He held her hips. "Other than that," he whispered and reached into his nightstand drawer, pulling out a box. "Open it," he whispered.

Olivia took the box and opened it and she gasped. "Trevor!" She touched the white gold necklace, a solitary diamond glinting, hanging off the chain. "Oh, baby," she covered her mouth. "This is beautiful."

Trevor smiled. "Nowhere near as beautiful as you."

She put the box on the nightstand. "Um, we need to get up and eat something or I'm going to thank you and take care of that hard on all at once," she leaned down and softly kissed him.

He ran his hands up her back and flipped them over. "I could eat now," he whispered and started kissing down her torso.

Olivia moaned and pulled him up, flipping them back over. "We both can. If you want, of course." She kissed him and gently bit his lower lip.

Trevor groaned at the mere thought. "Get that sexy ass up here," he whispered.

She bit her bottom lip and smiled. She moved to straddle his head, leaning over and moving the blankets off of him. She felt his tongue run through her folds. "Oh, Trevor," she whispered and stroked him, taking him into her mouth.

He groaned. "Fuck," he spanked her, hearing her moan, moving to suck her clit.

Olivia whined before she took him down her throat, causing him to moan. She smiled and looked over her shoulder. "You like that baby? Hmm? You like when I take all of you into my mouth?"

Trevor groaned. "Ah, fuck yeah." He moved back and kept licking her slit.

They stayed like this, pleasuring each other with their mouths, until both had hit climax multiple times. She moved to put her head on his chest. "Oh, fuck that was amazing," she whispered and looked up at him, kissing his lips gently. "I love you, Trevor."

He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her passionately. "I love you so damn much, Olivia. More than anything in this world."

Olivia wrapped her leg around his waist, feeling his hand on her thigh. "We should eat food," she whispered. "From the way this night is shaping up, we're going to need the energy," she whispered with a glint in her eye. "And I love you too," she kissed his lips.

Trevor caressed her face. "Hey Liv?" He asked softly.

She nuzzled into his hand. "Hm?"

He kissed his forehead. "Happy anniversary," he whispered softly.

Olivia furrowed her brow, thinking, before she broke out in a smile. "Four months," she kissed him again. "Best four months of my life." She rested her head on his chest. "I didn't get you anything."

Trevor tilted her face up and he kissed her lips softly. "I don't need anything. You love me, that's all I need."

She smiled. "I love you immensely, and that will never change."

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please leave a review. I'm probably going to end this one soon if I don't know that people are reading it. And the only way I know that is if you guys leave a review. So, drop a review here or on Twitter (couricshargitay). See you... soon...ish.**


	14. Goodbye, Love

**I know I said it would be a while, but I figured since I wrote this in record timing yesterday, that I'd upload it. We're coming up on the end.**

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Another couple of months had passed, Trevor was in class and Olivia was on the phone, packing to go back to the academy the next day. "I'll be there. I promise." She smiled. "I— I love you, too, Mom." Olivia hung up and turned around to see Trevor. "You're home! How was class?"

Trevor looked at her. "Mom? You'll be where?"

She took a breath. "She wants to have dinner. Talk. She's been sober for 90 days and she has some step work to do. But since when do I need permission to do anything?"

He walked over to her and caressed her cheek. "She hurt you, Olivia. She hurt you a lot."

Olivia shook her head. "It was the drink, the alcohol. I know that she hurt me, trust me, I'm aware. Well aware. But part of her sobriety is making amends to me, to everyone she's hurt. If her apologizing to me is going to help her stay sober, then yes, I'm going to meet her for dinner. But back to my question, since when do I need your permission to do anything? To see my own mother?"

Trevor raised his eyebrows. "The mother who convinced you you were good for nothing but sex? The mother who convinced you that you weren't lovable? The mother who abused you from the time you were a little girl? That mother? The mother who you panicked about having to go back to live with because you didn't want to be abused anymore?"

She shook her head. "Don't you dare. You don't get to tell me that I can't try to build a relationship with my mother. She's the only family I have Trevor. And if she's going to try, if she's trying to get better for me, to have a relationship with me I have to at least hear her out when she asks for my forgiveness."

He ran his hand over his face. "She hasn't hit bottom, Liv. She hasn't lost enough for her to have hit bottom, which means the chances of her going back out and drinking again are astronomically high. Do you even know why she got sober?"

Olivia took a step back, her eyes narrowing. "The University threatened to let her go if she didn't stop drinking." She felt the tears well up in her eyes. "And you don't get to say whether someone's hit their bottom. Especially someone you've never met."

Trevor looked at her. "Tell me, what has your mother lost as a result of her drinking? What's gone away because she's a drunk?"

She looked up at the ceiling. "Me. She lost me. And you know what maybe that wouldn't be enough for you. Maybe losing me wouldn't do a goddamn thing for you. But you don't know that losing me wasn't part of the reason she got sober. And screw you for thinking that losing me isn't enough."

He shook his head. "Don't put words in my mouth, Olivia. I just don't want to watch you get hurt again."

Olivia shook her head and wiped her eyes. "Well, good news for you, I go back to the academy tomorrow, so you won't have to watch. In fact, as of tomorrow, you won't have to worry about me at all. I get paid while I'm in the Academy, I'll stay on campus until I save up enough money to get my own apartment."

Trevor looked at her. "What are you saying, Liv?"

She looked into his eyes. "I'm saying… we had a good run. But you obviously believe the things my mother tried to convince me of my whole life, I'm obviously too damaged for you. So. We had a good run."

He moved closer to her. "Can we—"

Olivia shook her head. "No, we can't talk about this. I need to finish packing. And uh, I'm going to get a hotel for the night before I have to report tomorrow morning." She took a deep breath and took the necklace around her neck off. "Be happy, Trevor," she whispered, tears starting to stream down her face. "You dodged a bullet."

Trevor looked at her, the walls that had come down had gone back up in an instant. He saw her go to take her ring off. "Keep it. I had it made just for you. Keep it. Think of me once in a while."

She nodded. "Trevor, this— we're not living in a fairy tale. Fairy tales aren't real. I'm not a princess, you are not my knight in shining armor. What we had was good while it lasted, but you and I— we're from two different worlds. And those worlds can't possibly mix or cross or whatever. But, um, thank you for loving me the past few months." She ran her hands over his chest. "And now you need to move on, because you deserve to be happy, happier than I could have ever made you."

He wiped her eyes and kissed her, feeling her kiss back. He broke the kiss. "No one will ever make me as happy as you do, Olivia. Ever."

Olivia wiped his eyes, as his own tears started to flow from his eyes. "Sure they will, you just need to give them a chance." She took his hand. "And uh— spare a thought for me once in a while. Between all the WASPs and the court cases, just look back on this time and know that I loved you with everything I had in me, and I'd have died for you." She wiped her eyes again. "I need to finish packing. I need to pack everything." She let out a breath and moved around him, packing all of her things into two suitcases.

Trevor sat on the bed. "What's your plan from here?"

She sat next to him. "I've got some money saved up, I'm going to get a hotel, hit the liquor store, get some tequila. It'll be cheaper than drinking half the mini bar."

He looked over at her. "That's not healthy."

Olivia gave a small smile. "I know. I uh, well, I need to get lost in something. I want to get lost in you, but I can't, so I'm going to get lost in the tequila. Just for tonight. Tomorrow, I'll go the academy, work my ass off, save all the money I get paid while I'm there, and get myself an apartment once I graduate. I'll walk the beat and work my ass off to get my shield. I'll transfer to Special Victims, and help people. And I'm going to do my damnedest to have a relationship with my mom."

Trevor looked over at her. "What about love?"

She let out a scoff. "Trev, I can't even think about that right now. Because right now you are the only person I want to love. The only person I want to be loved by."

He tucked her hair behind her ear. "Olivia, you will always have a place in my heart, and no matter what, you are always welcome here."

Olivia held his face in her hands. "I'll be fine. But you… you deserve to find love. To find a woman who makes your heart skip a beat when she walks in the room. To have mind blowing sex and to bask in the post coitial bliss. I'm going to be okay. I promise." She smiled and kissed him slowly, savoring every second. She broke the kiss and let out a breath. "Goodbye, Love." She nodded and got up, taking both her suitcases and leaving her key on the nightstand next to her necklace, and with that, she left.

She hailed a cab and had it drive her to a hotel close to the academy campus in Queens. She checked in and settled into her room before going back out and getting a bottle of tequila. She went back to her room and looked at the clock. It was only 4:00, she and Trevor had been broken up for all of two hours and her heart was shattered into a million pieces. She opened the bottle and took a pill from it. "I just need him out of my head," she whispered to herself.

By the time 10:00 rolled around she'd drank half the bottle and was laying in her underwear on the bed, her eyes drifted closed, the alarm set for early the next morning. When her alarm sounded she groaned and sat up, her head feeling like it was about to explode off her body.

She got up and drank some water, changing and walking down to the reception desk and checking out, her suitcases in tow. She walked out to hail a cab and had them stop at a drug store to pick up a Gatorade and something to get her head stop hurting, and then reported to the academy. "Today is the first day of the rest of my life," she whispered to herself. "Today, I am homeless, single, hungover, and absolutely heartbroken, but I'm here. I'm going to make a difference."

Olivia checked in and walked to her bunk, her hunk mates already there and she took a deep breath. Memories of the last time flashed through her head. She put her things away and sat on her bed and looked at her ring, holding it to her chest, repeating the words, "I'm okay" over and over and over again in a whisper as she fought the tears.

The days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months. She was at the top of her class when it came to tests, to physical training, to firearms training. She dealt with the pain from everything, PT, pepper spray, tasing, self defense. The only time she left campus was to have dinner with her mother. It happened here and there. Sure, she was sober, but the pain she'd caused Olivia her whole life was at the forefront. It wasn't long before her mother was drinking again. The day she found out she lay in her bunk and cried. It was a Saturday and the rest of her bunk mates had gone home for the weekend, her whimpers turned to sobs realizing that she'd made a terrible mistake. Trevor had been right all along. She overreacted and left him. She wanted nothing more than to be in Trevor's arms right now, he always helped her calm down.

Once she was out of the academy, she stuck to her plan, she got herself a quaint one bedroom apartment and worked her ass off walking the beat and within a year and a half she had her gold shield. She started in Special Victims and she would often look around at her squad. This was her family. These were her friends. These were her people. She felt like, for the first time since she walked out of Trevor's apartment for the last time, she fit in and belonged somewhere.

She looked down at her hand, her ring missing. She took it off after the academy, it hurt her heart too much to even see it. But not seeing it on her hand was just as painful. She rubbed her temples and closed her eyes. "Not now, not now, not now, please God, not here."

Her partner, Elliot Stabler, looked up at her. "Liv, you alright? You're mumbling to yourself."

Olivia looked at him. "Uh, yeah. I'm fine I just… I just need some air. Splash some cold water on my face. I'm fine, Elliot."

Elliot nodded. "You're saying that for your benefit, and that's okay. Go get some air."

She nodded and stood up, grabbing her coat and walking out of the precinct, walking down the sidewalk, tears welling up in her eyes. She ducked into an alley where she completely broke down. She was thriving in her career and she wanted to do nothing more than call her best friend to tell him. But she couldn't. She couldn't bear the thought of Trevor laying in bed with a beautiful woman, making her moan the way he made her moan, knowing this new woman inside and out, figuratively and biblically. She wiped her eyes and walked back to the precinct and splashed cold water on her face. "What did I do?"

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**A/N: Alright, next chapter is the last chapter of this story. Leave a review, here or on Twitter (couricshargitay).**


	15. Forever

**We've come to the end. Enjoy. Updates to my other stories are coming soon. And I have a two shot written, that's been written for a long time and I just found again. **

3 years later

Olivia looked up at the man standing next to the table, obviously on a date with their ADA, her friend, Alex Cabot. "Well, it looks like Alex is… dining with the enemy." Her heart broke all over again.

She and Elliot walked out of the restaurant, and Elliot looked at her. "Liv, you feeling okay?" The moment Olivia laid eyes on Trevor she looked like she saw a ghost.

She looked at her partner. "Uh, not… not really. I— could you serve that warrant without me? I just… I need to lie down."

He looked at his partner, never one to admit to being anything other than fine he nodded. "Yeah, I'll drag Munch along."

Olivia nodded. "Great, I'll be back in the morning." She stopped and hailed a cab to take her back to her apartment. She showered and changed into stretch pants and an old shirt. She started cleaning and she came across a box. She opened it and started going through it, old pictures, things she took from her mother's house after she died, and then she found it. The ring.

Her breath left her body and she looked at it, seeing his initials on the inside of the band. "Trevor James Langan," she whispered to herself. She closed her eyes and rested back against her bed. She looked at the clock, slipping into shoes and her coat and heading over to the last place she knew he lived. The building she walked out of nearly five years earlier.

She looked up and walked in, taking the elevator up to his floor and standing in front of his door, taking a breath and raising her arm to knock on his door. She took a deep breath and after another fifteen seconds she knocked again, and she heard it. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" He opened the door and looked at her. "Olivia."

Olivia swallowed and looked up at him. Shirtless. He'd gotten more handsome over the past few years. "I— I'm sorry to interrupt your date with Alex, but…" she looked at her hand, opening it, revealing the ring in her palm. "I found this, and—and uh…" she felt the tears in her eyes and she looked to the side, her lip quivering. "And I needed to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was too damaged. And that I miss you. I miss us." She nodded and looked at the floor. "I— I should let you get back to Alex, and um— I'm just… sorry."

Trevor took her appearance in. "She's not here." He opened the door a little wider. "No one… no one's here. Just me." He smiled at her. "So that's where that shirt went."

She furrowed her brow. "What?"

He let out a gentle chuckle. "That's my shirt. Or it was. I let you bring it to the academy the first time."

Olivia looked at her shirt. "Oh, right, uh…"

Trevor lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. "Stop apologizing to me. Come inside. I'll put on some coffee."

She nodded and walked in, looking around. "This place hasn't changed much. Except… is that a new couch?"

He looked at it and nodded. "Uh, yeah. It was old and I needed a new one. One I could sit on without having so many memories attached to it."

Olivia bit her bottom lip and nodded. "So… how are you?"

Trevor took her coat and noticed her fiddle with her fingers. "Lonely."

She looked at him. "You were just on a date."

He nodded. "I go on a lot of dates. A lot of first dates. Can never seem to get a second date."

Olivia looked up at him. "They don't know what they're missing is all."

Trevor shook his head. "They're all interested, Olivia. I'm not. I've yet to meet a woman who gives me the same feeling I get when I lay eyes on you, when I kiss you, when I hold you." He walked into the kitchen and put a pot of coffee on. "What about you?"

She shrugged and blinked away the tears. "My life has been filled with one night stands, round the clock cases, and… not much else, actually."

He nodded. "How's your mom?"

Olivia stiffened. "Dead, she died last year." She let out a breath. "She fell down the steps to the subway. Outside the Velvet Room." She nodded and wiped away the tear that fell from her eye. "She was drunk." She closed her eyes. "You were right. She never stayed sober long."

Trevor walked over to her and rested his hand on her arm. "I'm sorry, Olivia."

She took a deep breath when he put his hand on her arm. "She was a falling down drunk, she was abusive and she was a bitch. But she was my mom and I loved her." She looked down at the floor as tears streamed down her face. "I know you don't understand and it's okay, I don't either." She wiped her eyes.

He wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Liv," he whispered and looked into her eyes. He moved closer and pressed his lips to hers.

Olivia was caught off guard at first, but she soon melted into him, kissing him slowly, her heart swelling. She pulled back and looked up at him. "Trevor what are— what you— I…"

Trevor rested his forehead against hers. "Relax," he whispered and wrapped her in his arms. "Just… let me take care of you. I miss you, I miss us, and kissing you, that's the most alive I've felt since you walked out the door."

She looked at the ring. "Is this just one night? Or do you want more?"

He tilted her chin up again. "I've never wanted just one night. You know that."

Olivia smiled gently. "So I can put my ring back on?" She saw him take the ring and slide it onto her finger.

Trevor kissed her hand. "Right where it belongs." He looked into her eyes. "You cut your hair."

She smiled and touched her hair. "It's easier to manage. Don't you like it?"

He gently ran his hand over the short strands of hair. "Olivia you're beautiful whether your hair is down to your ass or you're completely bald." He smiled and kissed her again.

Olivia let out a gentle moan and pulled him close. "I missed this," she whispered. "I missed getting to kiss you, feeling your hands on my body." She looked into his eyes. "Not having to fake it," she blushed. "I missed this chest, your heart beat. I missed getting to make love, and get lost in the pleasure instead of having to perform my sexuality for the benefit of a random guy I slept with once."

Trevor caressed her face. "You never have to perform. Not for me. And you should never have to perform for anyone." He picked her up and she squealed. "Should we have coffee first or would you like me to make love to you all night long?"

She smiled and wrapped her legs around him. "I do have work in the morning, you know," she whispered, kissing him slowly.

He grinned and kissed her neck, setting her on the counter, his hands roaming her body. "Mm, I'm not interested in thinking about what tomorrow holds, I only care about the here and now," he whispered in her ear.

Olivia gasped and let out a moan. "Yeah," she closed her eyes, her breath starting to come in pants. "I— oh, my god!" She felt his hands drift under her shirt, taking it off over her head, his thumbs running across her nipples. "Mm, yeah." She bit her bottom lip, letting her head fall back against the cabinet. She smiled and let out a moan, her back arching. "More," she whispered. "God, please, more."

Trevor smirked and kissed down her torso, paying attention to her breasts, her nipples. "I wonder," he whispered. "You didn't have a bra on, what about panties?"

She pushed herself forward and looked at him. "Take me to bed, take off my pants, find out for yourself," she smirked and pulled him in for a passionate kiss, holding onto him like he held her life in his hands.

He picked her up, continuing to kiss her as he walked them back into the bedroom. He lay her on the bed and broke the kiss, caressing her face. "I never thought I'd get to look into your eyes again."

Olivia smiled and kissed him again. "I never thought I'd get to kiss you again. But we're here. In this moment, right now, we're here and we're together."

Trevor kissed her slowly and let his hands roam her body. He kissed down her torso, worshipping every inch of her skin. He pulled her pants off, revealing that she didn't in fact have panties on. "I see you still don't like wearing panties to bed." He kissed her inner thighs. "Or did you not put them on because you knew you were coming here?" He was so close to her, his breath teasing her clit.

She gasped. "Trevor!" She closed her eyes, and arched her back. "Oh, don't stop." She felt his lips wrap around her clit. "Yes!" She smiled and looked down at him as he gently sucked on her clit. "Mm, Jesus!" Her chest flushed and she gripped his hair. "Trevor!" She cried out, waves of pleasure running over her.

He smirked and kissed up to her lips. "You didn't answer my question," he whispered against her lips. He kissed her neck. "I'm going to keep this up, teasing you, not letting you orgasm until you answer me."

Olivia let out a groan. "You're evil," she pouted. "Let me come and I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

Trevor lightly ran his fingers over her side. "We can get to that after, but I'm not letting you come until you answer my question. And you're so close, I know you want it so bad, you want that sweet, sweet release so bad."

She arched into him. "I don't even remember the question. You're distracting me. It's not nice."

He let his lips ghost over hers. "Did you not put panties on because you knew you were coming here?"

Olivia looked up at him and caressed his face, focusing on him and she shook her head. "No. I didn't plan on coming here when I got dressed after my shower. And when I did decide to come here, I thought you were with Alex. If I had known I was coming here, I'd have worn panties." She bit her bottom lip. "Now, can we stop talking so you can make love to me, and never let me go. I never want to be without you again. Nothing, nobody, compares to you Trevor. And I will never not be mad at myself for walking out of your life for almost five years. We… god, Trevor, we could have been married by now. With kids."

Trevor caressed her face. "Is that what you want?"

She looked up at him. "I thought we were focusing on the here and now."

He rested his forehead on hers. "We are, but I need you to answer that question."

Olivia took a breath. "We haven't seen each other in almost five years, it's been less than three hours since I walked into your apartment." She looked into his eyes. "You're not going to give this up, are you?"

Trevor kissed her and smiled. "No, I'm not. So, you might as well answer." He nuzzled his nose with hers.

She smiled. "Yes, that's what I want. I want to be your wife, the mother of your child… children." She watched him get up and walk away from her she sat up and covered her body with the blankets. "You know, you asked; if you—" she stopped and looked into his eyes when he turned around.

He looked at her, an open ring box in his hand and he moved closer. "Olivia Margaret Benson, there's a reason I've never wanted a second date with anyone. There's a reason that none of the women I've been out with have made me feel the way you do." He sat next to her and caressed her face. "Because you are the woman I'm meant to spend my life with. You are the only woman I want to spend my life with." He kissed her softly. "I never stopped loving you. And I never plan on not loving you." He looked into her eyes. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Olivia felt the tears run down her face. "Put the ring on my finger, Trevor," she whispered.

Trevor took the ring out of its box and slipped it on her shaking finger and kissed her hard. "This isn't a dream?"

She pushed him down onto the bed and kissed him fiercely. "It's a dream, that's for sure. A dream come true." She broke the kiss and looked at the ring. "Oh my god," she looked at him. "It's perfect." She lay next to him and rested her head on his pillow. "I have to tell Alex."

He looked at her. "Do you?"

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "You took her out on one date, dropped her off, and probably haven't even told her you don't want a second date. I left work early and within hours you're engaged to me? Yeah, I kinda have to tell her."

Trevor buried his head in her neck. "Can you tell her tomorrow?"

She looked at him. "You make it sound like I'm planning on going in to work tomorrow."

He looked up at her. "You're not?"

Olivia let out a fake cough. "I think I'm coming down with something. I should stay in bed all day."

Trevor smirked. "You're too much."

She shrugged. "I haven't taken a day off of work since I started at SVU. Even when my mother died." She kissed him softly. "I think I deserve to celebrate with my fiancé, don't you?" She picked you her cell phone and called Cragen. "Captain, it's Benson," she put on her best fake sick voice. "I've really got something going on. I feel so sick." She nodded. "Of course. Thank you Captain." She looked at Trevor. "One more phone call, and I'm all yours." She bit at his lower lip. "I need to call my partner so he doesn't show up at my apartment and find it empty." She called her partner, putting on her fake sick voice and filled him in. "No, no I'm fine. I just need some sleep. Yes I have food. No, don't come over. Because I need sleep and if you come over we're going to talk shop. Yes, Elliot I'm fine." She rolled her eyes. "Goodnight." She hung up and rolled over in his arms. "Now, no more talking," she whispered and kissed him passionately.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed it! Stay tuned for that two shot and updates to Lovely and Pretty Woman. Leave reviews here or on Twitter (couricshargitay).**


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